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Tena

Shame and Fried Chicken

on June 21, 2010 in Identity

Cravings- I have them. Ethics- not so much. This weekend- it was fried chicken. I needed it. But not just ANY fried chicken, though, it HAD to be fried chicken from my favorite fried chicken restaurant- an hour away. I played the sympathy card, “I haven’t felt good enough to eat in 4 months I DESERVE IT! ” And I got my way. Blood sugar be damned!

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It Takes a Village

by Tena

on May 24, 2010 in Parenting

Your first pregnancy is the biggin’. Sure, they’re all great, but, let’s be honest, the first is the one where you do all of the researching and learning about baby products and find what you (I mean, your baby) just can’t live without. My baby shower was 16 years ago. Pre Babies ‘R’ Us.

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But You Can Call Me Chastity

by Tena

on May 19, 2010 in Identity

I’m still at that lovely early pregnancy stage where my regular clothes don’t fit anymore, but maternity clothes are jumping the gun and make me feel like I’m on the 15 month gestational plan. In other words, I’m just fat.

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Know before you don’t go

by Tena

on April 29, 2010 in Identity

Growing up, any ailment from a headache to a cough to just a plain bad day, my mom’s go to question was always, “when’s the last time you pooped?” If there was something wrong, her belief was that any discomfort could ALWAYS be traced back to the last time you shit. She would make [...]

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If at First You Don’t Succeed, Use a Faulty Condom

by Tena

on April 20, 2010 in Parenting

She’s in the gifted program. He’s really advanced for his age. She’s only three and reads at a fourth grade level. He’s a star athlete. She got the lead in the school play. These are all statements that I have never said and probably never will. I also will probably not have college admissions counselors [...]

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It’s a Boy Thing

by Tena

on April 5, 2010 in Parenting

I am a girl. In my family, I was one of 5 girls. I could have raised girls with my eyes closed (and practically have!) Nothing about the sugar and spice gender could have tripped me up, but when I found out the baby I was carrying some 15+ years ago had a teeny little boy [...]

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Even When You THINK It’s About You… It Never Will Be Again.

by Tena

on March 24, 2010 in Parenting

Back in 1994, I was abducted, a skinny, experimental girl with questionable burgundy highlights. My body was taken over by 46 chromosomes and I have never been the same. I’ve begun to realize that I am just a puppet at the hand of my children’s lives. I am their chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, and warden. I used to think that [...]

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Fat People TV

by Tena

on March 16, 2010 in Pop Culture

It’s that time again! This week in fat people getting skinnier TV and me failing miserably because of being sick- damn that feed a cold/starve a fever rule… or is it starve a cold/feed a fever? Regardless, I am sick and PMS’ing and I am comforting myself by eating. Carbs. Shut up- it helps with the boob [...]

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If You’re Related to Me, Keep Walking—There’s Nothing to Read Here!

by Tena

on March 15, 2010 in Love Life

I used to enjoy sex. A lot of sex. And that’s really saying something… coming from a person who lost her virginity standing up against a tree at a local State park as upper-class suburban children looked on from atop the monkey bars. Not the smartest and, quite possibly, the most UNCOMFORTABLE thing I ever did, but I was young [...]

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Fat People TV

by Tena

on March 12, 2010 in Pop Culture

This is where I review this week in weight loss TV shows to try and inspire myself to not eat all of the damn birthday cake that seems to keep invading my kitchen. I was down 12 lbs. Then back up 4. Because donuts are good and blood and needles are messy. On the bright side, still down 8 [...]

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