About StephanieJ

Read more of Stephanie's rants on her blog WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion,
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A Day Late, A Dollar Short

AL_Kids

It wasn’t until two months ago that I learned Lululemon had replaced Hanes Her Way. And I still don’t know how to pronounce it. Recently I attended a fancy wedding and had to text one of my girlfriends to ask if a deep v-neck dress calls for a long or short necklace. (If you care, the answer is long). [...]

A Day in the Life of a Work At Home Mother

SUCK IT. No pun intended. Kidding. Totally intended.

People often ask me what it is I do all day, since I’m rarely seen leaving my house. You see, I suffer from the Throwback to the 1950s Syndrome where my contributions are constantly questioned because I keep shit together and earn a living all behind closed doors. I’m not fueling the working vs. stay-at-home mom fire, [...]

The Real Cost of Children

AL_Abby

I have read a plethora of articles about the incurred expense of babies and children, and the focus is normally on things like formula, Mommy and Me classes, and college tuition. Some costs that seem to have gone unnoticed (or purposely ignored?) are items like our sanity, waistlines, and various personal affects. So today I [...]

How to Write a Rap Song

AL_grills

Could your family benefit from an additional source of income, but you and your spouse are already stretched thin? I’m here to help. In my extensive professional research*, I have learned the secret to earning millions of dollars: all you have to do is become a rapper. *I listen to a lot of music Don’t [...]

The Things She Carried

sandalssocks

In the wake of any relationship’s conclusion, via break-up or death, we carry pieces of that person with us long after their face fades from sight. Without warning, we can be transported back into time. Bette Midler’s “The Rose” triggers memories of my Grandmother’s funeral. One whiff of Calvin Klein’s Obsession takes me back to [...]

10 Signs That My Frat Party Days Are Over

Beer pong

Even as a teenager legal 21-year-old, I could never hold my liquor. I would have a few drinks and then giggle myself to sleep in the corner. So when, this past winter, friends suggested we crawl out of hibernation for a Throwback to College party, I was intent on reliving my glory days. And staying awake [...]

This is What Pinterest Won’t Show You

Kim_Remote

Do you love Pinterest? Shut up. Pinterest makes me feel inferior, just like Martha Stewart used to before she was incarcerated and after she became Snoop Dogg’s BFF. All those pinteresting homemade party decorations and decadent desserts perfectly molded into the faces of cartoon characters can bite me. Why make it when you can buy it?! [...]

The Story of One Woman’s Tramp Stamp

Aiming-Low_tattoo

It was college. My parents weren’t physically there, peering over my shoulder, but I could feel the heavy weight of their metaphorical presence giving me the stink-eye and telling me to really think about this, Stephanie. So, I thought about it. And my then-boyfriend said he wanted to pay for it. So I thought some [...]

My Husband, the Single Dad

Daddy'sDay

A funny thing happens when my husband, Zach, takes both of our kids anywhere by himself. He turns into a rock star. It has nothing to do with how he feels about himself, but everything to do with how the throngs of women, ages 16 – 80, perceive him to be: a bumbling dad just [...]

I’m Sorry I’m Not Sorry

Not sorry2

I used to be one. An apologizer. I hadn’t realized how often I uttered the words until a friend called me out for it: “Why do you always say you’re sorry?! The women who came before us have apologized enough!” So I stopped. And you know what I recognized? That my “I’m sorry’s” were more [...]