About Goon Squad Sarah

Goon Squad Sarah rocks the mic like a vandal.

Sarah can also be found at Sarah and the Goon Squad, Draft Day Suit, That's Right. You Heard Me.,on twitter @goonsquadsarah or yelling at her TV.

A Scary Story and a Mazda Test Drive

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 12.42.41 PM

This is a true story, mostly about how clueless I can be sometimes, but a true story nonetheless. It was a Thursday morning and I was coming home from working out. When I pulled up to my house there was a car in my driveway. It was a strange car with Michigan plates. I wasn’t [...]

Gift Cards: Yea or Nay?


As the holidays approach I’ve been thinking a lot about one subject. Gift cards. We all know that gift cards are wonderful presents for teachers or clients or nieces and nephews that we rarely see, but how do you feel about gift cards as stocking stuffers? As in “How did Santa know that you love [...]

Sometimes It’s the Little Things


My daughter is eight years old and she thinks I’m a moron. She also thinks I hate her, but that is beside the point. Sort of. I think my baby girl suffers from early onset teenager syndrome. I can tell because everything I do either embarrasses her or is just stupid. She thinks that all of [...]

Helicopter Parenting is Overrated

Helicopter Parent

I am a former helicopter parent. It is true. If you know me this might surprise you. One, because I am a generally laid back person but mostly because I am really super lazy. The thing was this: I had all of my babies at the same time. I had twins and never (knock on [...]

Home Improvement?


Question: How many days into a home remodeling project can I make it before I start cursing about light switches? Answer: How ever many days yesterday was. It feels like a million days but it is probably closer to 120. I believe today officially begins our fifth month of construction and I think I am [...]

Some Drugs are Good


You know things are getting messy when your doctor tells you that you need to go work from Starbucks. I already knew something was wrong. I was there because something was wrong. I was there to go back on a medication I hadn’t needed in several years. I could feel it coming back–the irrational anger, [...]

Rhymes With Pixar


In my never-ending attempt to not swear profusely in front of my children, yesterday I uttered the phrase CRAP-A-DOODLE-DOO! My kids think I am a comic genius. I find myself writing about cursing frequently but it seems to be fitting. Plus, I figure that you people have the same problems and my secret hope is that you [...]

I Hate Camping: Let Me Count the Ways

polar bear tent

Last weekend I went camping with my family. My husband seems to commune with nature. It somehow soothes him. The kids love it. We have all sorts of gear. We plan fun meals and snacks. Everybody is happy! Except me. I fucking hate camping. I made a promise to myself that when I pulled my [...]

How I Was Tricked into Signing Up for a Wine Club

red wine

I belong to a wine club. No I am not a huge wine snob – well, okay, maybe I am, but that isn’t why I joined. I joined because some guy got me drunk. Let me back up a bit. For our tenth wedding anniversary a few years ago (I know, I can’t believe my [...]

Best Field Trip Ever: The Exorcist Steps

...and my neighbor wanted to go to a water park!

This has been a long summer for my kids. We are remodeling our house and as of right now we have neither a kitchen nor interior walls. What we have tried to do to make it easier for the children is spending as much time away from home as possible. This has not only allowed [...]

My Trip to the Haunted Gas Station

crypt keeper

I could hear my father talking to the children. “Grandma won’t take you to the haunted gas station because she is too scared.” What the hell? We were on a family vacation. It was my family of four, plus my parents, my brother and his wife and my 11 year old niece and 9 month [...]

Dropping Bombs

Goon Squad Sarah Potty Mouth

What happened, Mommy? I was totally exasperated. “The f*#king cat threw up on my clean sheets,” I said… and then I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth. It wasn’t just that I accidentally swore in front of my kids, it was that I dropped the F bomb in such a casual manner. It [...]