About UngerTheInfluence

Unger, (known by his first name "Ryan" to only is parents), spends his time exploring consciousness and pondering important questions like: "Why are we here?" "What's the meanng of life?" "Where's the rest of my LSD?" Always a lover, most times a dancer, never a fighter. He's morally against stress, and advocates a Zen mind. Residing right outside New York City, Unger tries his best to avoid the consumerist culture that infests Manhattan by spending his time writing vulgar poetry. Unger will tell you he finds it incredibly fascinating that poetry is the route that life has taken him.

The Horrors of Toddlery

I saw a group of children today, And this is the only thing I can say: I’m never EVER gonna have ANY. This group of parents I was watching just had WAY too many.   They’re all rude little fuckers with dirty little hands, And listen to all those shitty kid bands. They’re loud, and [...]

Urine Luck

What you are about to hear is an interesting story, But it’s not about goals, feats, or glory. It’s simply about a man named Ray, Who discovered quite an unusual talent one day.   You see, all his life Ray only ate meat, He avoided fruits and veggies, and other healthy things to eat. Until [...]

An Ode to Hot Sauce

hothothot

There are some things in life that aren’t delightful; The outcomes are boring, or dreary and gray. They leave you with pain and make you feel spiteful, Like the time I got hot sauce on my penis one day. While eating nachos and some salsa I got, I realized my hot salsa needed more hot. [...]

Stu and His Glue

turkeybaster

Here’s a weird story:  I have this friend Stu, And Stu liked to do real weird things with glue. He’d sniff it, and lick it, and throw it on walls, He liked to glue glitter on both of his balls.   So one day the phone rings, and I see that it’s Stu, I answer [...]