How To Figure Out What You Want To Be When You Grow Up


“What do you want to be when you grow up?” There’s that question AGAIN. People have been asking us since we were old enough to wipe our own butts. It feels like a lot of pressure, doesn’t it? Especially if you’re about to graduate from high school and venture off into uncharted territory. Some of [...]

6 Easy Halloween Costumes for Inappropriate Adults


You’re going to a party with no children. You need a costume and you need it now. Let’s see… witches are lame. Mummies are too easy. And you don’t want to be that slutty McSlutterson girl who just adds cat ears and a tail to your lingerie. You need something quick and fun and affordable [...]

How To Thrift Like A Boss


 I know what you’re thinking. You want to know how I stumbled upon such greatness. (You’re also probably wondering why there isn’t a bulge in his striped britches. My theory? He tucked his greasy dingaling). 

How To Make Tampon Ghosts And Other Terrifying Halloween Crafts


Part of the mission of our new Aiming Low Teach section is to give you tangible ways to make cool crafty shit with a touch of the absurd. So when a friend of mine sent me a link to this brilliant tampon ghost, I knew right away I had to make some. The idea comes [...]

How To Be Popular


Popularity. (pop-ewe-lair-it-ee) 1.The state or condition of being liked or admired by many people. We all, at some time or another, want to be the popular girl. But how? How do we win people over or even get noticed? When I was in high school most of the “cool” crowd gained their “fame” because they [...]

Come Check Out My Schooner


San Diego is a cool town. I was lucky enough to breathe in it’s warm, fishy air last month when I attended BlogHer. (BlogHer was fantastic, by the way. I learned shit & was inspired by shit & caroused with a lot of non-shitty people. Evidenced below). Beyond the walls of the Marriott Marquis were [...]

Gaze Upon My Bunghole And Tell Me You Love Me


Oh, love. Oh, glorious, wonderful, lusty, beautiful, scary, heart achey, head-spinning, boner-inducing, breathtaking LOVE. It’s so fucking awesome. And then it’s so fucking hard. But today I’m going to focus on the not so fucking hard kind.

How To Deal With The Crap In Our Lives


I’m in the process of potty training my child which means I spend an excessive amount of time talking about her shit, wiping her shit and cheering her shit on. It’s so fun. So far, she’s failing like a champ. She’ll get excited about her Hello Kitty undies but when it comes time to move [...]

Making QR Codes Fun And Not Sucky!


Have you seen those black and white block thingys that look like hypnotizing mutant bar codes? You know, these things: That black and white thingy is called a QR code. QR means queef reflex.

Vagina Washing For Dummies


Do you ever have that not-so-fresh feeling down in your cootchie area? You know what I mean… mix a sweltering summer day with short jorts and slight seepage and what do you get? A musky muff.

4 Trends You *Need* To Know About. There Will be MuuMuus & Olive Loaf


I have a thing for handmade stuff. I’m an artsy fartsy, crafty mofo. I’m just naturally drawn to it. (Get it? DRAWN? Art joke!) I think creative people are fascinating. I love reading interviews with artists that tell the story behind their thought process. I love walking around art museums and indie craft shows and [...]

What’s That Thingy Hanging Between Your Legs, Daddy?


  Y’all, my baby is talking! Okay, she’s 2 and a half and sleeps through the night so technically she’s not a “baby” anymore but whatevs. She’s speaking in complete sentences! Okay, her “sentences” usually consist of two to six words but whatevs. The words she uses are prolly super advanced! Which is so good [...]