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Maria Melee

Froggy Socks and Make-Believe Emergencies

by Maria Melee

on April 27, 2010 in Parenting

When my older son started getting mobile and getting into everything, I baby-proofed like a crazy person. I didn’t let him touch 18+ month toys until the day of his 18-month “birthday.” I put rubber edges on furniture. I put up four baby gates. I used a video monitor. We were on top of that [...]

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Your FACE Turned Thirty

by Maria Melee

on April 22, 2010 in Identity

So, I turned 30 on Tax Day. I don’t feel older. But I’ve been sort of evaluating the past decade and how I’ve grown and where I see myself going. Actually, mostly I’ve been thinking, “Man, I’m really glad I liked Hot Tub Time Machine.” And “I totally need to watch Happy Gilmore again.” These [...]

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My yard is messing with me.

by Maria Melee

on April 12, 2010 in Playing House

Growing up, we never had big oak trees or other types of leaf-shedding trees in our yard. We had palms, and some sort of crazy flowering purple tree, and a lot of bushes and pines. Now, the house we rent has some sort of oak-ish tree in the back yard that somehow drops approximately six [...]

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Preschool, a Whole New Place to Screw Up

by Maria Melee

on April 6, 2010 in Parenting

Remember the Breakfast Club? Those archetypes of cinematic goodness? Totally spot on. Also, they persist throughout life to a certain extent. Particularly in the realms of preschool-classroom-parents. You have the room mom who always remembers to get things done, organizes the school fairs and classroom cleanups and plans adorable flower-giving for the teacher’s birthdays. You [...]

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Leggo my Uggo (or Why I Don’t Talk to Grownups)

by Maria Melee

on March 31, 2010 in Identity

The other night I got to go to a Tampa Bay Lightning hockey game. (As we all know, I love hockey. Like, I love hockey.) Despite my silly boner for hockey players, I’m actually a pretty serious fan. I get really wound up and I scream and screech and thrash and in general make a [...]

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Daddy Issues, Naked Heathens and Dirty Dishes

by Maria Melee

on March 23, 2010 in Playing House

My dad works out of town for several months out of the year. So when I see him I feel like I have to cram an extra huge amount of daddy issues into a concentrated amount of time. You know, the silently but desperately seeking approval thing? One of the ways I frequently fail at [...]

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I Heart Itty Bitty Teeny Weeny Electronic Devices

by Maria Melee

on March 18, 2010 in Nerdgasm

I never had a dollhouse growing up. But I did have My Little Ponies. I loved their little brushes and tiny accessories and the itty bitty cribs and water bowls for the tiny ones. I loved their shimmery wings and hair bows and just about everything tiny about them. (See also: Polly Pocket. Specifically, me [...]

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Can I Get an Order of FAIL With That?

by Maria Melee

on March 10, 2010 in Identity

Last weekend I watched Food Inc and solemnly swore to myself never to eat McDonalds again. Then I got my period and needed French fries from McDonalds more than I needed oxygen. I drove toward the gleaming arches in a hormonal fog, salivating at the thought of salty, probably-crack-infused goodness to sooth my aching crampy [...]

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How Did I Pass Home Economics?

by Maria Melee

on February 22, 2010 in Playing House

Laurin Evans and I have a friendly dispute going on over who started stalking who first. We’ve settled on the conclusion that she read my blog first and I sent the first email. She lives about two miles away from me, which is awesome. I mean, how often to you stumble on a random bloggy friend who happens to live in the same zip code?

Since Laurin’s a recovering lawyer and is in general far more stylish and savvy than I am, she has all sorts of professional lady contacts in the city. She started bringing me along to some networking event type things. They ended up being surprisingly fun. Possibly because of wine. Also because I get to stand up and introduce myself as, “Hi, I have a blog. Also I write for a website called Aiming Low. No—not Amy Lo—Aiming Low. Like, Aiming…Low. Yes. Yeah. It’s funny? Um, basically it’s about how we suck. Please hire me to write your marketing copy!”

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Olympic (Wet) Dreams

by Maria Melee

on February 18, 2010 in Pop Culture

While the Summer Olympics have gymnasts (oh my God, their arms) and scantily-clad runners, the Winter Olympics have flair. The Winter Olympics have figure skating—and figure skating is the most theatrical sport on the planet. To be precise, figure skating is awesome.

In 1992, I spent an entire week sitting on the floor in front of my parents’ TV watching the Winter Olympics. I was 12-years-old, and I loved figure skater Paul Wylie. My newfound hormones left me in a weepy, ridiculously flushed state every time he skated. Seriously, when he skated to a song from Jesus Christ Superstar and I nearly exploded into a ball of dorky fangirlish love.

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