About ChrisBird

A self proclaimed "free thinker", Chris has spent most of his life doing what he wants. He wears lovely velour shirts at will, and he rarely brushes his teeth. If you find something at a thrift store that you feel needs to be modelled, please let him know, and he will tell you where to send it. When he is not being whimsical, he can be found in “The Cocoon” with his forgiving wife, and his dog Blue. Well, except for when it’s time for romance, that’s when Blue has to skedaddle. You only make that mistake once. He can be found at Change The Topic, on the ultra-cool Google+, The Twitter, and sadly, Facebook.

Early Retirement?

If you have to get old, you might as well do it with pizzazz.

Winter seems to be going on forever around here. The dog is dragging his wiener every time he goes out for a pee, and I seem to be shoveling more of the salty slush that the plow keeps throwing in the driveway. It’s a constant barrage of melancholia and it’s really taking it’s toll on [...]

Snowed In

A portion of the 50 vehicle accident a few miles from our place.

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It’s true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady. What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, I get a date weekend, and I love them even more. This weekend was [...]

Walk The Walk

Not me, but it sure could have been with those clothes.

You know how kids sometimes don’t do things when you ask them to? Yeah, I know it’s rare, but every once in a while they just seem to forget when you mentioned that the laundry needed to be put in the dryer after the buzzer went off and the dry clothes need to be folded. [...]

My Wife Found Her X Chromosome

Baby? Was I supposed to thaw this out first? It seems a bit rare.

I think she must have cracked up a bit while I was away this time, because when I got home, the house was clean, the dog was still alive, and she was already planning the next night’s dinner. Seriously. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to all of you Martha Stewart wannabes, [...]

Like For Like

Believe it or not, I was quite restrained here. I may need to talk to someone about my anger.

That’s apparently how it’s supposed to work. I will like/follow your thing if you like/follow mine. Can’t we just like or not like things based solely on whether or not we like them? I guess not. This is a post on my Facebook page wall. You don’t need to read it, because I’m not proud [...]

Beat It Like It Owes You Money

That's 1/4" wallboard at the max. I'm surprised that nothing got on me.

Mouth breathers are going to be the death of me. Last night I set my alarm for six o’clock in the morning. Normally it would be five, but because of a series of screw ups yesterday, the crew that was supposed to have our bridges in didn’t complete their end of the bargain. This means [...]

I Love My Job

Sunrise as I soak down the freshly graded powder.

I really do like getting up and going to work in the morning. Now. I wasn’t  always so eager, but I love coming out west in the winters and freezing in ice roads. I don’t know why. Before you get excited I’ll tell you that it’s not like on the show. This is a totally [...]

I’m Not Always Ornery

They aren't really dead. They're undead, actually.

I was thinking about this today, and people reading things I write for Aiming Low must think I’m one crotchety bastard. I think at least half of the posts have me grumbling about one thing or another. That’s not who I am very often. I’m actually a happy guy most of the time. But people [...]

You’re An Adult So Start Texting Like It

Text

I had a text conversation today. It was actually a conglomeration of text conversations from several people so that my friends who text like that can pretend that it’s not about them. It’s totally about them. Every goddamn one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, and just because they do things that [...]

Can I Get A Witness?

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So we are in a bit of a game with a bunch of friends from the beer league. It’s called Conky The Drunken Gnome Game and the rules are basically that if you find Conky on your doorstep you have two days to get him to one of the other player’s doorsteps or you have [...]

I Don’t Always Think Ahead

He hopes Nana doesn't get mad about the hair on the couch.

I went to the hunt camp the other day with Blue. We had to take the new used lawnmower up and cut a bit of wood for the winter. No one really wants to trudge through three or four feet of snow to thaw out the icicle of a cabin, but I’m hoping that this [...]

Is It Just Me?

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Am I the only one who gets pissed off to the point of veins popping out of my neck when people share things on Facebook that haven’t been checked? A lot of it is stupid and mindless, but there are some that scare the bejeezus out of people. These are the dire warnings. Recently I [...]