So, flying in the face of all I think is right and good in the world, I was guilted into some yard work this weekend.
You heard me right.
YARD WORK.
Which, apparently, involves more than just picking up the beer bottles and making sure the lawn guys have a clear [...]

I am the proud owner of two verrrry cute kittehs!
Cute until you get within ten feet of their litter box. And then? They are just like every other beast of the wild that should be left to poop in the great outdoors.
But, I am a good pet owner….I [...]

Flying is really sort of expensive.  Did you know that?
Something about the idea of defying gravity in a gas tank with wings is so cool that we pay ridiculous amounts of money to do it.
And it becomes costly.
Even if you don’t buy the $9 cocktails, the $3 blanket [...]

So, as much as I love my kids, I have figured out that THEIR love for me is not equal to mine.  In fact, I sort of doubt the existence of their love AT ALL.
Because no one, NO ONE, should get as much joy out of embarrassing me [...]

Parties used to be fun because all it took was a keg, a few bags of chips and the right people to have a good time.
The beer may be better quality and we may have traded in the chips for real food, but it’s still about having the [...]

Two weeks ago my fridge died.
I did not get the Dooce treatment on this one…I had to just suck it up and wait for a repairman to decide that I was worth his, OBVIOUSLY, precious time…seven days after the actual breakdown.
Seven days with no refrigeration, no ice maker, [...]

There’s a list in my head of people that I don’t want to be with in the event of an elevator emergency. I mean, like, PLEASE JUST LET US PLUMMET TO OUR DEATHS NOW!, kind of don’t want to be trapped.
Then? There’s that group of people that you’d [...]

Why no one should ever…I repeat…EVER…offer me a PTA position.
Cause I just might take them up on it. And then?
Armageddon.
Or at least the school version of it.
Dear 2009-2010 parents,
I sure appreciate your misguided voting to elect me as your new PTA president. We are instituting a few possibly-not-totally-approved-by-administration  [...]

So, there you are…pouring your heart and soul into your latest post.
THIS is it…this is YOUR moment of brilliance and will lead to a massive surge in traffic, corporate sponsorship from every Fortune 10 company, book offers, and the ultimate blogger’s dream…having Dooce admit that YOU are, in [...]

I had plans. Goals. Ambitions, even.
ME!
There was a list…with words…in big print “THINGS TO DO WHEN THE KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL”.
I know.
That’s a lot of pressure, right?
WTH??
If you were paying attention, the key phrase would be “had”.