Urine Luck

What you are about to hear is an interesting story,

But it’s not about goals, feats, or glory.

It’s simply about a man named Ray,

Who discovered quite an unusual talent one day.

 

You see, all his life Ray only ate meat,

He avoided fruits and veggies, and other healthy things to eat.

Until this one day, when Ray was in a bind,

When a bushel of grapes was the only food he could find.

Now he wasn’t big on fruit, but he didn’t care,

He was so hungry, and that was the only food that was there.

He gobbled the grapes up, fast as could be,

And an hour later went to the bathroom to pee.

While in the bathroom, humming a song,

Ray noticed the color of his urine was wrong.

 

It was purple! Not yellow! A strange sight indeed!

For this happened every time Ray ate grapes, then peed.

His urine smelt of red wine — purple and sweet –

So he bottled some up for himself to keep.

 

Later that night, it dwelled on Ray’s mind,

If he should taste his urine, to see if it truly was wine.

He poured himself a glass, and a large one at that,

Pulled up a chair, and there he sat,

Staring at this glass of piss,

Til’ he picked it up, and put it to his lips.

 

And oh, what bliss! It was the best wine he ever tasted.

He promised himself, “No more of my urine will be wasted.”

He figured if he ate grapes every day,

He could bottle his pee, and make people pay,

For the most delicious wine that they’d ever buy.

It’s risky, he thought, but it’s worth a try.

 

Ray started his business door- to-door,

Letting folks sample the wine, and they always wanted more.

At first business was slow, but it picked up real fast,

And he was questioned by every neighbor he asked.

 

They told him they loved his wine, and they wanted more,

They wanted so much, Ray opened a store.

He sold all of his wine, to policemen and teachers,

He even sold a bottle to one of the preachers.

 

Business was great, until the month of July,

When a competing winery sent in some spies.

They wanted to steal his secret to success,

So people would say that their wine was the best.

So late one night, while the town was asleep.

The spies went to Ray’s home to sneak-a-peek.

They peered in his window, and what did they see?

They saw Ray alone, filling wine bottles with pee!

 

“Oh my God!” they exclaimed, “We must tell the town,

The people will be furious! They’ll tear his store down!”

Well, the spies were right, and the very next day,

The townspeople approached Ray’s store, filled with rage.

 

“How dare you!” they shouted, and began to throw stones.

Poor Ray was left in his store all alone.

“Get out of our town, and never come back!”

And with that they burned his store til’ the wood was charred and black.

So Ray left town, quickly and sadly,

For his wine business had backfired very badly.

Is this the end of Ray? No way in hell,

Because he’s just arrived in your town, and he’s got some delicious wine to sell.

About UngerTheInfluence

Unger, (known by his first name "Ryan" to only is parents), spends his time exploring consciousness and pondering important questions like: "Why are we here?" "What's the meanng of life?" "Where's the rest of my LSD?" Always a lover, most times a dancer, never a fighter. He's morally against stress, and advocates a Zen mind. Residing right outside New York City, Unger tries his best to avoid the consumerist culture that infests Manhattan by spending his time writing vulgar poetry. Unger will tell you he finds it incredibly fascinating that poetry is the route that life has taken him.

Comments

  1. Linda says:

    I hope he doesn’t start selling cheese too. Unverifiable man, this is great! And I love your blog name. So clever.

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