The Holiday Cocktail You Need!

You know that theory that nothing will survive a nuclear blast except for the cockroach?

Well, whoever came up with that theory never met my husband, because he will survive too. He has an immune system made of titanium, I swear. He never gets sick. In fact, I think they need to create a new SuperHero in the guise of my hubs–Never fear, mortals! ImmuneSystem Man is on his way!

This is good news in many ways: 1) One of my kids is always either outright sick or incubating the next sickness 2) I always catch whatever disease passes through the house at any given moment and 3) Someone has to run this sinking ship.

The bad news? On the extremely rare occasion that ImmuneSystem Man does get sick, he’s a total pain in the ass.

It’s not that he’s a baby, exactly; it’s just that the dude is so rarely ill that he walks around in a fog of disbelief and misery. If he could get away with sucking his thumb, he would.

The other day, hubs got sick. With a cold and respiratory bug–and I knew it was a doozy because he was sick for THREE whole days. This man is never down for over 24 hours. N-ever.

And as luck would have it, he was needed at work, so he slogged through several days of misery and came home looking like Dead Man Walking.

I tried faux pho, I tried tea with honey and lemon, I tried spicy green chile. Dude was still miserable.

Growing up, my grandfather always swore by the Hot Toddy…most good Irish drunks did.

Hubs needed sleep and relief, so I created my own version. He drank it down, said it tasted delicious, felt better within 5 minutes and then promptly konked out for 12 hours straight.

Pretty impressive, right? When he woke the next morning, he felt a little better and told me that I should publish the recipe for my concoction on my blog. “That thing is too good not to share,” he said. “It’s genius. You should market it,” he said. He told me I should call it the “Thoddy”…

Which brings me to the one leeeeeetle problem about this whole deal.

The reason he called it the “Thoddy” is because I basically spiked his TheraFlu. Which doctors don’t really recommend a person do. You know, that whole *risk of liver damage by mixing alcohol and acetaminophen* garbage.

But once in a while, when the chips are really down, we here at Chez T believe in totally Fucking With the Rules.

And this thing works like a dream. You will be blissed out within 10 minutes. Guaranteed.

Just make sure you have someone responsible around to watch your kiddos, because you are gonna be immobile for a while after one of these pups. And, like the Theraflu folks say: do not consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks a day while using this product…but you won’t need 3 drinks. One of these suckers does the Job.

The Thoddy
serves one sad-sack husband

1 packet Nighttime Severe Cold & Cough Theraflu (Honey Lemon, Chamomile and White Tea flavor)
1 jigger spiced rum, such as Captain Morgan’s
1 jigger pineapple orange juice
6 oz. water

Combine the water and pineapple juice in a microwaveable mug. Zap 1 minute or until hot. Stir in rum and Theraflu packet. Pour down gullet. Bliss Out.

Illustration Credit:  Ed Polish & Darren Wotz

**Warning and Disclaimer: the author of this piece and owner of  this site is totally not a doctor and totally not responsible if you become addicted to this healing cup of goodness. Your liver is your responsibility.

About DanaT

In a former life, Dana was a high-strung, nervous small dog. Currently, Dana (aka: thekitchwitch) lives and writes in a giant martini glass in the Rocky Mountains. She serves up snark, snacks and horrible mothering advice on her blog (http://thekitchwitch.com). When she is actively not contemplating eating her young. She is currently at work on a patent for the Valium Salt Lick. You can follow her on Twitter (@thekitchwitch) or on Facebook (MissyAngryinanApron).

Comments

  1. elizabeth says:

    Ooof. Yeah, I don’t doubt the Thoddy’s effectiveness, but I avoid acetaminophen as a rule because I enjoy my wine. M was felled by a nasty sinus infection around Thanksgiving, and unfortunately it took him sleeping a lot and marinating in his old comforter from college (hereby known as Sickness Blanket TM) and diving into the z-pack he had from his India trip to finally get better.

    In the meantime, I managed to come up with a broth combination that I think helped in preventing me from catching it, so while it may not have healed him, it did protect me. A semi-win at the very least.

    • M was in India? Whoa! DId he get sick on his way home–everyone I know who’s gone to India has come home with some kind of vile crap…

      And “marinating” is exactly what they do, whatever the blanket. I always am tempted to put on a hazmat suit when going near it.

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  2. Biz says:

    On the rare occasion I am sick, my husband gives me the same thing, sans the Theraflu – but it really knocks me out so now I need to ask him if he spikes my hot toddy even more!

  3. Barbara says:

    Yowee! Killer drink. Literally. (I know you’re not going to believe I’ve never taken Theraflu in my life.)
    You’ll be amazed once the kids leave home for college, sickness takes a hike. Of course, then there are the grandchildren. Hah.
    Have a merry, kiddo!

  4. Tiffany says:

    I needed that last week!! I’ll save it for next time….

  5. The liver is a pretty resilient organ. I’m sure it will survive a few of these every once in a while…

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