It’s Two Days After Christmas…A Totally Exhausted Poem

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It’s Two Days After Christmas

‘Tis two days after Christmas and all through the house
Shit’s strewn everywhere and there’s wine on my blouse
The kids in their snuggles tucked up in their beds
While visions of flame throwers dance in their heads
I’ve got a huge headache, the coffee’s not working
I’m tired and I’m crabby and the Hubby is smirking
I woke up at 8-ish feeling like I’d been capped
All I really want now is a long freaking nap
I can’t fit in my jeans – I’ve eaten t0o much
And I’ve nipped at the nog like a newly crowned lush
Thank God it’s been days since we’ve heard from that Elf
Hey – that lasagna’s not eating itself
My diet won’t start ’til the first of the year
I’ll polish off cookies washed down with beer
And then New Year’s Eve – Will you party enough?
Lofty expectations – what’s your problem – you’re ‘sposed to be doing stuff
Here in our household, if memory serves
We’ll be in our PJs eating frozen hors d’ouvres
We’re homebodies now, no more New Year’s Eve gigs
No more New Years hangovers
No more dancing of jigs
That’s okay with me ’cause the past weeks were draining
And I’m a huge slacker – no work – I’m refraining
I’ll enjoy the kids when they’re not driving me crazy
And every excuse to be what I am…
Which is LAZY
About Linda Roy

Linda is a writer/musician with a Peter Pan Petty complex, a guitar toting husband, two boys and pug dependency issues. She’s grateful that the word “snark” has been introduced into the vernacular since people just used to know her as “the chick with the bad attitude”.  She feels strangely akin to Larry David and will criticize your parallel parking abilities to prove it. She blogs at elleroy was here and fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses.  She also writes at Lefty Pop and Funny Not Slutty. Connect with her on TwitterFacebook and Google+


  1. Shay says:

    Linda–this is AWESOME!!

  2. My sentiments exactly! F theholidays. I have concluded that like bears, I need to hibernate too. Can’t the three kids take care of themselves?!

    “All work and no play makes mommy a disgruntled chick.”

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  3. Awesome!!! It sounds exactly like my holiday :) Hope you had fun!

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