I’m a dog person. Scratch that, I’m the Crazy Dog Lady. I’ve often maintained I like dogs more than people.
WHAT? It’s true. I have good reasons for this, naturally. You can learn everything you need to know in life from dogs.
Like how to act like decent human beings. Don’t believe me? I’ve prepared a short list of dog communication that could teach you something about your human life. You know, for you to ponder in all your spare time.
Dog communication: I’m always happy to see my people. I’m pretty much happy to see any people, it turns out.
Human translation: Unconditional love, my friends.
Dog communication: You’ve only been gone for five minutes but gosh darn it, I’m going to love on you like you’ve been gone for days!
Human translation: Life is short. Make the most of the time you’ve got.
Dog communication: My human could forget to feed me and trip over me while stepping on my paw and I STILL recover in two-point-two seconds and want the human to scratch mah bellah anyway.
Human translation: Don’t hold grudges. Live and let live. Turn the other cheek.
Dog communication: You don’t look fat in that dress. YOU LOOK MAHVELOUS!
Human translation: Who cares what you look like? What’s on the inside is what matters most. And the inside is SUPER AWESOME!
Dog communication: MUST PROTECT HOME FROM POSTAL INVASIONS.
Human trait: Ummm…bills come in the mail and bills are bad? I’ve got nothin’ on this one.
Dog communication: IMA stick by you always, I’m your loyal and loving friend! I’ll do stupid pet tricks when you have dinner guests! As long as you feed me and walk me.
Human translation: Relationships are a two-way street. You get what you give.
Dog communication: I’ll sit. I’ll shake paws. I’ll lie down. I’ll play dead. Now give me that treat, darn it, this is embarrassing.
Human translation: If a dog with a brain the size of a walnut can learn manners, so can you. Stop being rude, you entitled brat.
Dog communication: WOOOOO EEEEEEEE. I don’t know what that smell is but IMA sit here and look all innocent and stuff and pretend it wasn’t me.
Human translation: Even dogs blame other dogs for farts.