Can I Get A Witness?

So we are in a bit of a game with a bunch of friends from the beer league. It’s called Conky The Drunken Gnome Game and the rules are basically that if you find Conky on your doorstep you have two days to get him to one of the other player’s doorsteps or you have to bring a six pack of non-shitty beer or coolers to the yet to be determined Conky party. If you get caught while putting Conky on someone’s step, you have to take him to someone else’s place AND donate a six pack to the cause.

You are encouraged to add some flair to him if you get the little souse as a house guest.

My wife is very competitive.

Every noise outside is a potential victory if we catch the person, so she is often yelling out that she heard something. When this happens I go skimming down the stairs to the front door. So far I’ve come up empty handed.

Until the other day.

I went to the grocery store to grab some things and as I was approaching the house I noticed a couple sets of legs behind the tree walking up to the door. I bounced off the curb as I slid to a stop out front. As I frantically fell out of the van, I was yelling into the air, “Hahahaha I got you, you pricks. You’re busted.”

While this was spewing out of my piehole, I was scrambling for a foothold. From down low I could see their feet at the door and how they were starting to fidget around like they were trying to make a decision. By the time I got “No you don’t. You aren’t going anywhere.” out, they had decided that it was time to go. I was coming up the steps on one side and they were running across the grass towards the neighbour’s lawn.” As I got a line of sight on the door, I didn’t see Conky, but there was something on the little table. I looked at the two women fleeing down the sidewalk and then saw this.

I don’t trust those answers. Not since we stoned Dave to death cursing his dad.

I looked back at the two people looking at me with a scared look.

“Oh, I’m sorry for scaring you.” I huffed. “I thought you were putting a drunken gnome on the porch.”

We will maybe be on the no knock list for a while.

I’m okay with that.

About ChrisBird

A self proclaimed "free thinker", Chris has spent most of his life doing what he wants. He wears lovely velour shirts at will, and he rarely brushes his teeth. If you find something at a thrift store that you feel needs to be modelled, please let him know, and he will tell you where to send it. When he is not being whimsical, he can be found in “The Cocoon” with his forgiving wife, and his dog Blue. Well, except for when it’s time for romance, that’s when Blue has to skedaddle. You only make that mistake once. He can be found at Change The Topic, on the ultra-cool Google+, The Twitter, and sadly, Facebook.

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