TLUI – (Thanksgiving Leftovers Under the Influence)

It’s the day after  Thanksgiving, which means quality time has been spent with family. “Quality” being a relative term. We’ve all got coping mechanisms – like hitting the sauce.  And I’m not talking cranberries.
When the blessed sound of Aunt Edna’s muffler scraping the pavement on her way home hits your eardrums, on go the stretchy pants. Time to satiate that second wave of hunger pangs. The fridge ain’t gonna empty itself.
Time for a little TLUI: Thanksgiving Leftovers Under the Influence.
Forget about heating anything up – you’re too tired and tipsy. You might lose a limb attempting to operate the toaster oven. Besides, you’re not thinking straight. What if you’re inadvertently zapped into the size of the Playmobile Little People and the dog tries to eat you  when the microwave prematurely flings open?  Better to eat it all cold.
So before you go all “9 1/2 Weeks ” on the kitchen floor in front of an open fridge, here are my TLUI recommendations: Sauce to attack while sauced, potatoes to devour while loaded, stuffing and pie to stuff your pie hole.
1.  Cranberry Sauce 
Make sure it’s shaped like the can.  You want it to go down easy.  Chewing is hard.  But break it up first.  No choking on my watch, people.  And don’t use a knife.  I don’t want to hear about stab wounds.
2.  Mashed Potatoes
Oh sweet little baby Jesus, yes! You would be amazed how good these are cold.  Especially if you dump a handful of bacon bits on them along with a pat of butter.
3.  Candied Sweet Potatoes
This should always be eaten only while drunk. This goopy, overly sweet mess is better off consumed when you don’t realize what you’re doing, or better – when you don’t care.
4.  White Castle Stuffing
Stuffing and White Castle together – the perfect drunk Thanksgiving food.  Very little chewing involved and it’s nostalgic. Picture yourself enthusiastically masticating in a dimly incandescent WC parking lot, lit only by dim fluorescents in a beautiful recapturing of sweet, sweet youth.
5.  Green Bean Casserole 
The Queen Mother of leftovers is great cold and I’ve stood countless times at an open refrigerator in the wee hours with a fork and a smile, partaking of its prefab magic.  Always make extra so you’re never more than ten steps and a few vodka tonics away from culinary bliss.
So enjoy Thanksgiving. Then enjoy it again a couple of hours later.
But remember, the best remedy for a drunk Thanksgiving is cold turkey.
Disclaimer: The editors of Aiming Low wish to caution you that eating Thanksgiving leftovers while intoxicated is dangerous. Therefore, please drink and binge responsibly. 
top photo courtesy: Bench Racing From the Volunteer State
About Linda Roy

Linda is a writer/musician with a Peter Pan Petty complex, a guitar toting husband, two boys and pug dependency issues. She’s grateful that the word “snark” has been introduced into the vernacular since people just used to know her as “the chick with the bad attitude”.  She feels strangely akin to Larry David and will criticize your parallel parking abilities to prove it. She blogs at elleroy was here and fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses.  She also writes at Lefty Pop and Funny Not Slutty. Connect with her on TwitterFacebook and Google+

Comments

  1. Mis Anthropy says:

    Turkey is good cold too. I don’t think you can go wrong with any of these!

  2. Considerer says:

    I understood mashed potatoes and green beans, but none of these look like food I know…

    Twitter Name:

  3. Lance says:

    green bean casserole, like revenge, is a dish best served cold

  4. Shay says:

    White Castle stuffing?!?!? OMG, sounds GLORIOUS! And I love the word “masticating.” It is hilarious, smart, and perverted-sounding all in one. :)

  5. I eat my left over mashed sweet potatoes cold, and let me tell you, it’s like kissing an angel. Mmm…

  6. These are ALL perfect hangover foods. My mom’s lime jello salad…not so much. Right now I am suffering from a major turkey hangover and could really use a pizza. Funny post, Linda!

    Twitter Name:

Speak Your Mind

*