Why Sometimes My Dates Cancel

Well, not technically “stood up.”

In the afternoon my date sent me a text message, “Something came up – can’t make it tonight. So sorry.”

I’m about to reveal something here – something that you’re going to cringe at. I’m going to tell you why I believe she canceled the date. But it will sound way worse reading it than if I had told you in person.

Here’s the story – I had been dating this lovely woman for a month or so and we recently separated. My birthday was this past week, and my parents are driving in to take me to a show and birthday dinner. Originally I had invited this woman, but since our breakup, I now had a vacancy.

As a total joke on the phone with this new woman I said…

You know what would be totally crazy but also hilarious? Well, we have a date on Friday, right? See my parents come in on Saturday. I was supposed to bring someone but she isn’t going to make it. We have this extra ticket for a dance show.

Okay…

Let’s say we get on well on date one on Friday. It would be amazing and insane, but maybe I’ll bring you out with my parents for date number two. I mean, we have the ticket and everything, and I know how it sounds. It’s lunacy. But it would make for a great story. I met this guy’s parents on the second date.

(pauses for a second) You know, I’m actually really open minded to that sort of thing. It would be funny. But what if you don’t like me on date one?

Then you’re not getting invited to the Saturday event, AND you’re paying for the dinner on date one.

Well, let’s just focus on date one first! Remember, you might not even like me!

Oh, I know. It’s an outrageous thought, and I would totally understand you not wanting to do it. But we’ll see how date number one goes.

Ha – yes, can’t wait to meet you.

–Fin–

Here’s my guess. Over the next few days she let that marinate and it didn’t sit well. The context of me joking around fell away and she probably went, “Did that psychopath really invite me to meet his family on day two?”

Nobody wants to meet someone’s parents on date two. It’s nuts. And even though I thought it was a funny idea, I’m sure it scared her off. So she canceled.

So, if you want to date me, be prepared for my insane didn’t-think-that-through outbursts on the first few phone calls. I should probably reign it in a bit, yes?

I gotta be me!

About D.J. Paris

Comments

  1. Bill says:

    I don’t know if I should believe the “reign it in” or “gotta be me.” Paris, you’re such a paradox.

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  2. ChrisBird says:

    Any woman worth a pinch of dried horseshit would not take that seriously at all. They would have fun with it and (not so) jokingly tell your parents about how she’s a gunna raise them up a fine boychild to carry on his pappy’s name. She may then blow her nose into her skirt before itching the rash on her arms from where she washed herself with straight bleach to get the stink of coyote feces of of herself.

    Hopefully you are aiming higher that a pinch of horseshit though.

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  3. Darcy Perdu says:

    Oh, DJ, I would have accompanied you and your parents on Date 2 if I had been that lady. I would have brought my parents too — and my nana — and my attorney so we could work out the pre-nup over dessert. It’s never too early, my friend, never too early.

    (Ha! Just kidding of course!) Too bad she didn’t take you up on the Date 1 – Date 2 adventure — could have been pretty fun and funny!

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