The Best News Source

You can find all the TOTALLY ACCURATE information in the world! Right on The Internets!

I’ve mentioned before I live in a bubble.

Part of that living-in-isolation-not-getting-out-much thing is I also don’t watch a whole heckuva lot of television, either. We no longer get a newspaper delivered (which is good, because INK ON MY HANDS! GAH!).

I occasionally read online news but unless someone makes a big stink about things on Facespace or some other totally reliable social media source, I don’t pay much attention. See, I’d rather take a nap. Do I know how to live or what?

This week, things blew up all over The Internets. I made the mistake of logging in the day after the VMAs (Did you know that MTV used to play VIDEOS? I know, right?) and everyone was all abuzz. Nope, not a word about Russia or Syria or Eqypt. Not a word about Marriage Equality, Healthcare or disability rights. I am, however, sure am glad to find out that Miley has FINALLY shed that fauz-wholesome-farm-girl image (movin’ my hips like YEAH) and has taken up the ancient sacred art of Twerking Beetlejuice! I never would have made it through the day without this vital information!

I’m thinking I’ve seen this before. It’s like Deja Vu all over again. Let’s see…Party in the USA…We Can’t stop…party…party… minority women in her video like an afterthought…minority women in her video like an afterthought…ridiculous outfits…ridiculous outfits…booty shaking…booty shaking…reinventing herself…reinventing herself…I’m beginning to sense a theme here. And to think when I was twenty I was going to school full time and working full time. TWENTY – I DID IT WRONG.

But don’t despair. I ALSO found out this week, via social media, that Neil Armstrong died. AGAIN. I know! Twice! He’s pretty impressive. Not only did he land on the moon (although i have it from a pretty reliable Twitter source that THE WHOLE THING WAS STAGED AND IT’S A HOAX) but he died TWICE. In two years!

This is me, renewing my NYT subscription NOW. Before what’s left of my brain is dumbed down any further. I plan on starting with crosswords.

(PSST. THIS WAS SATIRE. Just in case you thought I was actually thinking dying is a laughing matter or something. Also, you can’t believe everything you read on the Internets. In fact, 90% of the statistics and facts you read on the internet are inaccurate. Signed, Abraham Lincoln.)

Don’t know what Twerking is? For your twerking pleasure:

About Marj Hatzell

Marj Hatzell climbed Mount Everest, explored the Amazon and swam across the English Channel. Not really, but she's the mother of two kids with special needs so SAME THING. She prefers dogs over people, which means she has STELLAR social skills. Marj isn't a writer but she plays one on tv. Marj also goes to eleven. You can find her at her non-paying day job, the wildly unsuccessful blog The Domestic Goddess, on Twitter, and on Facebook. She also has a not-so-new and definitely-not-successful-and-ignored blog at The Crazy Dog Lady and Facebook page no one visits.

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  1. [...] Health November 18, 2013 by Linda Roy • Leave a Comment I have a love/hate thing with the news. I’m not talking about politics on the cable news networks, but the nightly network news. [...]

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