Have you ever had it where you feel like you are living a lie? Where you think you are just trying to get by on whatever merits you think others want you to have… rather than on the experiences that you have from your own journey?
Recently, I was in a gathering of friends where everyone was sharing awkward stories about others. I was asked to share a story – but outside of a couple of mildly weird experiences (which were not super awkward) – I had nothing. Nothing to share… yet my friends continually asked for me to share.
So I shared one of the stories I could think of. But the stories that kept popping into my head were the experiences where I had experienced the awkwardness, where I was the butt of the jokes. And all of these memories came flooding back to me. Yet, I didn’t share them because I didn’t want to cry in front of my friends from the awkward memories that surrounded me.
Here’s the truth of my life… I am and have been alone. Because of the experiences of my youth, I tend to push people away. I want to hide from others or, better yet, lie about my experiences so that people don’t think I’m so weird. I can count on my hands the number of dates I’ve had in my 35 years of life. I know that I’m not the one that is the most beautiful. I will never be voted “the most popular” in anything.
But I need to learn to be comfortable with who I am. I need to stop living how people expect me to… and share the experiences I do have. Inevitably, those experiences will help someone, somewhere with what they are dealing with. Or at least I hope they would.
I need to be proud of what I have become and who I am as a woman. While I might not be the prettiest, the most popular, or whatever label is the “in” thing at the moment, I am still a valuable friend to those that care for me. While I might not have a husband or boyfriend or kids, I am still needed in my community.
Most of all, I need to start loving myself. With this, hopefully, I can finally overcome the demons that plague the thoughts within me that I am not good enough.
Because I am.
Just as I am… I am good enough.