Navigating Life. Gollum Style

We LOVE everything!  We HATE everything!
Alas, a new year has arrived and what was my first thought upon waking?
“What’s Gollum got to do with anything?” you ask?
We were watching “The Hobbit” the other night and had a couple of revelations.  One, that my youngest son is a lot like Gollum/Smeagol when he doesn’t get his way. Also, according to my husband, I apparently also possess the “personality of Gollum and the physique of a Hobbit.”  Of course, he said that in jest, but I hasten to add, in the words of Ellen DeGeneres “If it’s a joke, then we should both be laughing.” I guess I have been hitting the cookies a bit hard lately. And I am given to fits of contradiction.  ”We LOVE the house!”  ”We HATE the house!”  ”The house is so beautiful!”  ”Oh nooo….the house isn’t finished!”  But girls…aren’t we all Gollum/Smeagol for a week each month? (Wink, wink)  However, it’s September and I feel like the coming months are so jam packed with possibility, I plan to get myself into elf shape before you can say  Arias’tama (that’s ‘bad ass’ for all you non elves).
So why were Gollum and his alter ego riding my shoulders like a devil/angel tandem as I awoke on this brilliant September morning?  Being the classic over thinker that I am, I’m going with the realization of the contradictions that live in my head that threaten to undermine and tear at my foundation.
“We love our life.”
“We’re dissatisfied with our life!”
“We are happy with our relationships.”
“We should work harder at our relationships!”
“We’ve made progress with our writing!”
“We haven’t made enough progress!”
“But success in anything worth doing takes time, Precious!”
“Nooo!  We should be doing more….”
“We’re so full of self doubt…we’re being ridiculous! Remember, we’re funny.
“Shut up!  Funny and four bucks will get us a Starbucks!”
“Ooohhh….Starbucks!  We looove Starbucks!”
We hate Starbucks! It’s too expensive!”
“No!! We love Starbucks! We’re worth the four bucks occasionally!”
“It’s a school year! Clean slate!”
“Oooh….then why do we feel so heavy hearted, Precious?”
“We’re just overwhelmed!  Life’s a game; a riddle! We will solvthe riddle!”
“But what if we’re just floundering about and the answers never come?  Well, at least we’re enjoying ourselves.”
Enjoying ourselves?? We torture ourselves with insurmountable expectations and comparisons to other peoples, Precious!  We will eat our hopes and dreams alive doing that!  We will roast and eat the naysayers!!”
Well…you get the idea.  My brain is exhausting.  So I’m going to work on thinking of the possibilities of the coming months rather than the uphill climb.  I wouldn’t want to slip off one tiny rock and fall off the proverbial cliff…even though…those dwarves did manage to survive a lot of major falls.
I dunno…maybe I should’ve just watched Les Mis.
On the other hand…
About Linda Roy

Linda is a writer/musician with a Peter Pan Petty complex, a guitar toting husband, two boys and pug dependency issues. She’s grateful that the word “snark” has been introduced into the vernacular since people just used to know her as “the chick with the bad attitude”.  She feels strangely akin to Larry David and will criticize your parallel parking abilities to prove it. She blogs at elleroy was here and fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses.  She also writes at Lefty Pop and Funny Not Slutty. Connect with her on TwitterFacebook and Google+


  1. mike says:

    Very accurate observations. I think we all have to deal with contradictions on a daily basis. At least I do anyways. thanks!

  2. That is one of the blessing for me of aging. I can recognize this swings and when I’m heading to a negative jag — I pull out. No use wasting time or energy fretting about something I liked a few minutes ago. It became apparent to me one day how my mood lifted when the sun came out. I was like why was I in such a grumpy mood? Nothing changed in my life except the sunshine.

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    • Linda says:

      Exactly. It’s a matter of mood. Some days I wake up and just feel blah. It was dark and rainy the other day and the motivation just drained from me. The sun makes a huge difference. I was just thinking about that the other day too; that being in a bad mood magnifies the little things even if nothing in my life has changed.

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