O.M.G! Enough about the Miley Cyrus incident at the MTV VMA’s…which was, btw, so last week! Hasn’t enough been said already a million times? (In fact, Miley herself gave us the stats with two middle birdies waving in our collective faces).
Yes. A resounding YES! But…this is my piece of the net today and it’s the one place where I specifically aim my commentary at young women.
So. Please allow me this indulgence. Believe me, as the mother of two boys, I thank God I don’t have to worry about this stuff for realz, except to warn them to steer clear of the members of the opposite sex who would sell themselves short with a pair of barely there hot pants and a tattoo of their Twitter handle etched alongside “For a Good Time”.
Call me old fashioned.
It’s a tough world out there, girls. The media constantly splashes imagery at you and if you’re of an intelligent mind, which I’m assuming you are, since you’re here reading Aiming Low…you brush off the mindlessness and move on.
But who hasn’t at some point viewed these images and thought that just maybe something these media figures are doing might work in their own grand scheme of things?
It won’t. I mean, look at Miley. In the words of Dr. Phil, “How’s that workin’ out for her?” Granted, her whole life is a laundry list of extenuating circumstances leading up to this most unfortunate turn of events. Unattainable to most.
So…how not to be a twerk?
-When your mom forbids you to walk out the door in the shorts that Bobby Morehouse enthusiastically refers to as “The Half Moons” and you’re not exactly sure why? Just turn around, walk upstairs and try something else, sista.
-Tattoos. Sure everybody’s got ‘em. I’m not judging. But when you have 50 of them, it starts to look like Mommy & Daddy didn’t hug you enough. Miley’s got a huge dreamcatcher on her right side. What’s she gonna catch? Probably more like a nightmare. She’s got an equal sign, one that says ‘karma’, skulls inked into her ear and just for some culture, a Theodore Roosevelt quote. Something for everybody. All on one body. Human billboard? Eh. Take out ads. They reach more people and they’re temporary.
-Keep the tongue in your mouth. You’ll only catch flies. And besides, Gene Simmons will track you down and try to extort money from you. Pretty sure he owns the rights to that move.
-If you see Robin Thicke, RUN! What’s with that dude, anyway? Thirtysomething, married with kids, dressing up like Beetle Juice and getting his groove on with a 20 year old on National television? Creepy. And sorta desperate. If the photos need to be blurred, then you’d rather not end up in the thicke of it.
-Steer clear of the foam finger. ‘Nuff said. Even at sporting events, you know what they’ll be thinking from now on.
The lines between entertainment and real life can get blurred pretty easily nowadays. Think about what you’ll be dealing with when you hit that crazy thing called your future. Chances are pretty good that taking the Miley road won’t lead to the best of both worlds.