Back-to-school, that time of year when we are all running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to search for the holy grail of school supplies, maybe we are going about this all wrong?
Screw French water paints that glow in the dark in the full moon, the Marsha Brady vintage dockers for uniforms that you can only buy from that one obscure store in the alley of that one city because it belongs to the teacher’s sister or the 57-ounce Disinfectant wipes that don’t exist. I say we take a moment to remember what’s really important on the first day of school; Mommy surviving the k-2 corridor littered with weeping martyr moms, collapsed in pools of tears and snot while clutching to their little ones’ ankles. Oh wait, that’s the moms dropping their “babies” off at college.
No matter, we all need the same 1st day of school survival kit and here it is:
- Waterproof mascara so that your face doesn’t slide right off when you are dropping your little one off at war Kindergarten.
- A face sling so your jaw doesn’t hit the ground when your 6-year-old premature releases your hand and runs off without saying as much as a goodbye or kiss my ass.
- Big ass stunna shades to hide your swollen shut Rocky-esque eyes from all the silent ugly crying you will be doing. If you are like me and your entire face spots up like a crybaby cheetah, I suggest a back-to-school burqa.
- Earplugs so you don’t have to hear all of the whining and bitching about getting up early, not wanting to go back to school and how stupid uniforms are. Honestly, they are also helpful to help you move past the heart breaking pleas of little people begging you not to leave them.
- Buckets of coffee to help mommy get up at 6:20 am after a summer of sleeping in until 7:30. That hour difference is killer.
- Flexerill so your back doesn’t go out when you’re busy dancing a happy dance because you have a couple hours to yourself between drop off and pick up to pee and shower by yourself, maybe even eat a meal that is still warm and drink a glass of water without little people back wash in it. It really is the little things.
- Last, but certainly not least, every mommy needs super glue for her heart because it’s going to feel like it’s breaking into a million pieces on that first day.
This is my must have list for every mommy’s survival kit for the first day of back-to-school. What’s your must have for back-to-school?
Photo Source: Darius Darkly