“Your wife is a sasquatch, isn’t she, Gus?”

To: Tricia@emailaddy.com

From: YourHairStylist@emailaddy.com

You have an appointment for a haircut and wax on Thursday at 10:30 am. Please respond to this email regarding your intention to attend this appointment.

————

To: MyHairStylist@emailaddy.com

From: Tricia@emailaddy.com

Goonie Goo Goo.

 

Every five weeks, this is the interaction I have with my hairstylist’s email appointment confirmation service. When she reads my reply, she knows I’ll be there.

You see, I am a fair skinned girl who also has very dark hair. According to family folklore and ancestry.com, I am a purebred hairy girl who has lost her beard throughout the ages, but still requires a lip and brow wax on the regular in order to look and feel my hair-in-the-right-place-on-my-face-best.

Once I allowed a junior stylist to wax my face in the appropriate places upon the recommendation of my trusted but time-crunched hair stylist. As she was spreading the wax precariously close to my eyelashes, she said in her Britney Spearsesque-statement-sounding-like-a -question-growl, “The more you wax, the less your hair will grow back, so you won’t have to do this as often. (?)” I smiled at her and said, “Dude, can you imagine how much of a werewolf I’d be if I hadn’t started waxing at SIXTEEN?” Bless her heart, she was appalled.

That means I’ve been waxing for more than half my life. As an aside, I’m worried that one day when I’m really old and my skin is too flaccid to wax anymore my eyebrows will grow over my eyes  and into my eyelashes like kudzu. Please promise to either come visit me or have someone at the old folks’ home trim my eyebrows so I can at least see to watch the Real Housewives of the Lunar Colony. (I’m also realizing now that I missed my opportunity to make millions and see the world as a carnie.)

But why would I respond “Goonie Goo Goo”  to a hair/wax appointment? My stylist wondered the same. So I sent her this video, which you should all know is 1983 Eddie Murphy at his almost filthiest. (Which also means NSFW, kids, or anyone who doesn’t like cuss words.)

(PSA for all blondies who don’t think they need to wax: we can see your moustaches in the sunshine.  You are all blonde Goonie Goo Goos. It is a lesser recessive-gened curse, but you all have it too.)

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