I’m trying so hard. So hard not to be annoyed by all of the silliness on the many social media platforms I follow. But for the love of sweet Darius Rucker, people keep doing stupid shit, so I’m going to have to point it out. Not that anyone will listen. I wouldn’t. But that’s because I know everything, obviously. But for those who don’t, I already listed the Top 6 Ways To Be Annoying On Social Media. There are always more, so the Bottom 6 Ways To Be Annoying On Social Media follow:
7. Don’t be yourself. Using someone else’s status (or blog post) without attribution is stealing. If I see the joke I (or someone else) just made on my status update (or blog) used as yours shortly thereafter without tagging the rightful owner in it, be ready to get called out and internet stabbed. It’s called creativity. Get your own.
8. Put your significant other on an unlikely pedestal. First of all, no one believes your relationship is perfect when you only post about how wonderful your SO is for cooking dinner, changing a diaper, or showering you with sweet, sweet kisses made of diamonds. We all know you are both overcompensating for something. Mostly everyone is scrambling and screaming at their kids and hating their jobs and doing the best they can. We’re glad you are in a happy relationship, but keep the constant schmoopy chat to yourselves. Or just IM the person you love while they’re on the couch next to you like normal people do.
9. Forget no one cares what you think. Discussing your religious, political, or child-rearing views ad infinitum, and then insinuating that anyone who disagrees with you is an idiot is irritating. Just show us what you ate for supper (Only if you are a good food photographer – see number 6) or your cute baby and puppy pictures. You will not change anyone else’s mind any more than posts of differing opinions will change yours. (This is completely moot if I agree with your opinion.)
10. Utilize poor grammar and spelling, or caps lock when you aren’t meant to be screaming. Everyone has different gifts. For example, I can’t do math for shit; however, I’m not online trying to make a point with quadratic equations. Thus, use spell check and turn off your caps lock. And if you ever see me make a grammar or spelling mistake, please tell me so I can fix it and crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment.
11. Be the Angel of Death. We all have that friend. The one who consistently wants to be the first to tell everyone that a celebrity died. (I usually think they were already dead anyway, so whatevs.) RIP, Really Old D-List Celebrity! I sort of remember you being semi-famous when I was a kid, but I’m your biggest fan because I was the one who told everyone you died first! Will you follow me back on twitter now?
12. Post Selfies indiscriminately. You know what? The more pictures you post of just your own filtered-to-hide-your-flaws self, the more I think you are a narcissistic asshole. We all know you think you’re pretty, and those who consistently comment or “Like” your 87th Selfie of the day are fishing for you to do the same for them. Special Mention for nasty: Mirror Selfies with bathroom stalls in the background. Extra annoying points if you took pics of yourself at the gym (We all know your worked out now. Yea.) or with your foot up on a toilet in a bathroom mirror (I don’t even know with that one). Gross.