Seriously, I want to know. It can’t be just our two kids that are totally obsessed with everything Slender Man. Can it?
Know Your Meme says that he originated in a photo contest where people were asked to digitally alter a photo to make it as creepy as they could. The (urban) legend just built from there. More photos and stories came in. He’s a tall, thin, blank faced man who can teleport at will and has arms that stretch as far as he wants, not to mention tentacles that come out of his back. He stalks children, can manipulate video recordings and always wears a black suit and tie.
Seems awesome, right.
Our oldest wants to marry him.
That’s right. She would like to be Mrs. Man, and I’m totally okay with that. When she turns 18!
I mean, why not? He doesn’t even kill anyone…that we know of. Yeah, he can mess with your video camera and memory, but who cares? He’s got to be the shittiest villain since Kite Man. He doesn’t even have any hands or a face. What the hell is he going to do to her, fuck with her iPod?
The only thing that I can think of that would be worse than all of these stupid Slender Man video games and urban legend stories would be if they made a shitty movie out of it. They could make it like The Blair Witch Project, except no one would get hurt and you wouldn’t be able to see the film footage whenever he was close to you. I can picture seeing him in the woods and trying to dodge him, but only because he’s mildly annoying.
“Shit, there’s Slender Man.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake. I wanted to film us catching a trout in the stream. He’ll mess it all up with his ‘ power’. Let’s just sneak around him and try to be quiet.”
“Yeah, he’s such an asshole and it’s like he doesn’t know we can’t stand him. If he would leave us alone for fifteen minutes, we wouldn’t have to avoid him all the time.”
“No, but we probably would anyhow. Ha ha ha ha.”
“Shhhhhh. I think he heard you. Yep, great, now he’s coming this way. Oh well, you’re dealing with him this time. I’m going home.”
“Shit. Sorry, dude.”
So what aggravating shit is your kid into? Shake it up, Dora The Explorer, Call Me Maybe? I can’t stand any of them.