What The Whip-poor-will is Really Saying

Spring is almost here. One of the surest signs of this season’s approaching is the awakening of bird calls!

If you’re a bird song lover like me, you’ll smile at the good mood that bird songs bring out in us. If you take it one step further — as I do everything — and are a bird nerd, you’ll wonder what are our winged buddies saying?

Google it, and you’ll see the reasons for a bird’s warbly communications. That’s what the books tell us but, what are the bird world translations? Are we really expected to believe that their life set to trills and whistles is merely mating calls and claiming territories? That’s a whole lot of effort and repertoire for “be mine” and “it’s mine.”

Life is complicated, and bird life no less entangled. Predator warnings are needed, information regarding food locations must be sung out, much like hobo markings on a fence in front of a house. “Hey, yo! Over here. And it’s a squirrel free feeder too!” Maybe there’s a “hey, it was fun, let’s keep in touch” or “let’s V-fly formation again soon!”

Mating calls are necessary, but do we think they’re just “Me want you.” I believe, that just like human life, there are a few whackadoo birds out there, their eyes on a particularly dainty yellow finch, screeching out “I won’t give up. You will be mine! Have you seen the extra food I gots here?” ::deep breath:: “You want THIS.”

And if you think about how we’re all more alike than not on this planet, I’m kinda glad we don’t know what they’re saying because mating season, y’all. I’m sure there are some calls that if we had a bird-o-translatron what we’d hear would be kinda creepy. Down right inappropriate. Like really gross stuff. “Hey. I got surprises in my nest.” “Girl, you ready for the world’s biggest worm?”

And what about the bird that we see, all by himself? On that branch right outside your first floor window? No one else around for miles or for hours, yet, that bird keeps on chirping. To himself. Is he our self talker? I mean, I talk to myself every once in a while. But for hours on end? Outside? For the world to see? Just too sad.

For those of us who have gone with our children and a bag of bread to a pond to feed the ducks, you’ll know the quack quack quack sound as you toss slice after slice at them. Is it as simply translated as “bread bread bread BREAD bread bread.”

In Wisconsin, we have wild turkeys strutting and gobbling around all year. They’re unsightly.  They are as close to walking scrotums as ever designed. BUT, even more so, turkeys are the annoying people of the world. Gobble gobble gobble gobble. Google “turkey sounds” on youtube and you’ll be screaming ENOUGH after the first 17 seconds into any video.

Bird translations. I once thought this would be a good idea, but after truly pondering this, I have to say, I prefer to just enjoy and imagine they are sweetly innocent and so unlike us.

I really don’t want to hear a Robin Red Breast boasting “Look! Ladies! Shiny things in my nest! Blue ribbons! Some broken candy pieces! Twigs! Look at this place I got here!” ::deep breath:: “And let me tell ya. Plenty o’room. I do mean plenty cuz you’ll need it for the 80 eggs you’re gonna lay after spending some time with me.”

On second thought, wipe your mind clean of this post. Forget you ever read it. Continue on enjoying our sweet bird callers. Don’t imagine it as arguing, inappropriate pick up lines, shouting to each other to keep away from their tree branch.

Try. But I think I just ruined spring for all of you. Next time you’re at a park on a beautiful spring day, you’ll hear a bird sing except now it’ll sound like “Hey! I’m talking to you! Papa gots what you want. That’s right.”

Maybe they’re all just crazy like us. Crazy and screaming. Two fold screaming and scaring away while calling forth. “Stay away. Be mine,” they call out. Just like the rest of us.


photo credit: dicktay2000 via photopin cc

About Alexandra

Alexandra is a writer who has found the secret to getting rich as a blogger that she'll share with you for just $9.99. When not taking her checks to the bank, Alexandra blogs at Good Day Regular People about life as an overanalyzing mother of three boys trying to go unnoticed in her small town. The most important things you need to know about her are that the internet saves her daily and that she believes the most you can ask for in life is to arrive at the end of it all with your hair messed up, out of breath, and not throwing up. Alexandra is a contributing writer for TikiTikiblog and FunnynotSlutty.


  1. Amanda says:

    La la la. The birds are singing. It is beautiful and gay. (as in happy) Also, birds pooping in your hair is good luck. It is. It is also inconvenient when good luck happens on your way to a meeting in a strange town, but it is still good luck, like a heads-up-penny with a little bit of questionable matter on it.

    Twitter Name:

  2. Linda Roy says:

    We get turkeys here too. They stop the car in the middle of the road, come up to the window and gobble at us contemptuously. “Okay, Tom…I’ll go vegan this Thanksgiving if that’s what this is all about.” ‘walking scrotums’. HaHaHa! I’m going to laugh so hard next time I see them.

    Twitter Name:

  3. brian miller says:

    oh. my. goodness.

    hahaha….bird song has def got all new meaning for me…lol….

  4. Ms. A says:

    Walking scrotums!!! Girl, you have no idea how much I needed that laugh. Thank you!

  5. Hahahaha!!! Oh my goodness. I totally agree, Nature is probably a lot more kinky than we give it credit for.

    Twitter Name:

  6. Cecilia says:

    I think the next time I’m in the park and hear birds chirping and singing, I am going to think “Alexandra…that Alexandra!” ;-) But there are worse things to think, eh?

    Love you and I hope you do get to just hear the birds sing this spring.

  7. I leave a leave a response when I especially enjoy a article
    on a site or I have something to contribute to the discussion.
    It is a result of the fire displayed in the article I looked at.
    And on this post What The Whip-poor-will is Really Saying.
    I was moved enough to post a comment :) I actually do have 2
    questions for you if it’s okay. Could it be just me or does it look like some of the responses come across like they are left by brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are posting on other social sites, I’d like to follow you.
    Could you list every one of all your communal pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or
    linkedin profile?

  8. Jenny says:

    I know exactly what I will surprise you with at our next LTYM meeting – turkey calls. They are the most obnoxious sounds ever. Worse than nails on a chalkboard.

    Twitter Name:

  9. Fortunately, you did not ruin Spring for me – I already think that way about what birds are saying!

  10. Now when I hear birds holla, I will smile and think of you!

Speak Your Mind