What Happens After the Happily Ever After

The movie is over, the couple walks away in the sunset hand in hand.

You put down the crumpled up wet tissues that you were using to wipe away the happy tears. You walk away feeling good, love is grand!

We’ve all watched these movies, read those books. I know I have.

But, have you ever thought of what happens after the Happily Ever After?

I can tell you what happens after…

All the bullshit is out of the way. All of their secrets are out of the closet.

The sexy, beautiful people will now act like a normal couple. No more longing into each other’s eyes for hours. They still have sex, but not like they used to. They undress themselves quickly. The man’s chiseled chest has now become man boobs. His six pack abs are long gone and his belly button is so deep, you could keep your laundry money in there. The woman’s sexy undergarments are now granny panties that don’t match her bra. Hand holding? Ha! Only time he grabs her hand is to pull her out the way of an oncoming car (if he sees it in time).

Dancing the night away has been replaced by the man running to the store for the woman’s late night craving. The man witnesses the miracle of birth. It’s a miracle if the man can look at the woman’s hooha without cringing from the memory of how big that sucker got pushing out a human.

Yes, she said she loved it and she did it all the time (before the happily ever after). Truthfully, she really doesn’t like to kiss someone where they pee.

Misleading? Yep! Well, so is “I don’t like watching football.” HA! As he screams at the TV to players who can’t hear him, he’s not helping the team win.

Kissing was like a sport, you did it all the time — like you were training for the Olympics.

It was sweet and sensual and could make your toes curl.

After the movie is over, it’s hard puckered lips while running in different directions.

Hot sexual showers together only happen now if the woman is lucky enough to  get one every other day just to clean off the dried puke made from the beautiful creature who was bulldozed out of her crotch.

Basically, this is what happens after the movie ends and the book comes to a close. Every story is different of course. Do you think that the writers come up with these stories from their real life? Hell no, it’s their imagination! It’s entertainment! Real life, real relationships are not like ones in books and movies. They may start off all hot and heavy but they can never endure that kind of romance without life getting in the way. There is always someone’s dirty underwear to be washed, dinner to be cooked, bills to be paid.

So, that’s what I like to do when I finish reading that amazing love story, I imagine those characters in real life and what happens after their “Happily Ever After.”

It makes me feel better.


About the Author

Ellen F is the mom, the girlfriend who won’t get married. She is the person who sometimes says things that people only think. Ellen tries to surround herself with people who have a great sense of humor. She curses way too much, and doesn’t plan on stopping. Besides sleeping, she loves to  laugh. She spends way too much time reading. She is working on her first novel and loving the process. Ellen thinks people take her sense of humor the wrong way… “Get over it people I was just joking!” You can find Ellen on her personal blog, Bad Word Mama! 


photo credit: Holly Leighanne. via photopin cc

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  1. ChrisBird says:

    :( Is this true with every couple? I’m clinging to the hope that I’ll be one of the lucky ones. I have to be. Anyhow, very funny, and I’m having a hard time not picturing one of the builder guys from Fraggle Rock coming out of a crotch on a dozer that’s pushing a baby. Thanks for that.

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  2. Von Rupert says:

    YES to all of this! Really nice writing, honest, funny, and raw. I loved it. :)

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  3. Laundry money!! That is hilarious. And after almost 20 years together, I can agree 100%

  4. HA HA! Yesssssssss! Well done, lady! :-D

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  5. Ridx says:

    You have written it in an awesome way. Life is not a fairy tale but sometimes its like kind of okay to get out of the reality and forget the bills and just enjoy. No?

  6. Nice post, I believe this is so true. lol @ As he screams at the TV to players who can’t hear him, he’s not helping the team win.

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