Recently, while my six year old son was hanging out with my thirteen year old son and his friend, I overheard him blurt out something about tea bagging.
I missed the context. Oh, but I heard “tea bagging”. That, I heard.
My head was a jumble of scenarios: Was he hearing it from his brother? In which case, why was he talking about tea bagging? Damn media. It’s always their fault! But was this about sex or Right Wing Propaganda? I tried to decide which would be worse.
I shouted “WHAT!?” to a chorus of laughter.
Me: Where did you hear that? (shifting my gaze to the possible culprit.)
6yo: I don’t know.
Me: What do you mean you don’t know? Did you hear it from your brother?
Silence. I decided to broach the subject later and to my surprise, he actually brought it up.
6yo: Remember when I said “tea bagging?”
Me: Yep, Buddy, yes, I sure do. Do you know what it means?
6yo: Yeah. It’s when you’re going down on another guy.
Me: WOAH - WHAT?!
6yo: (Demonstrates by bouncing two fingers up and down on his palm). It’s when one guy goes up and down on the other guy.
Crossing Right Wing Propaganda off the list…
M2: Why are you getting mad?
Me: I’m not mad Buddy, I’m just trying to understand.
If he’s talking about what I fear he’s talking about, how do I explain that to a six year old?
Neither of us is ready for the “it’s when a man and a woman love each other…” talk. And by the way, how do I explain the guy on guy action?
Is there a cartoon diagram I can just point to, because I’m pretty sure School House Rock didn’t cover this.
6yo: It’s when you go up and down on a fresh kill. (Demonstrates by squatting repeatedly.) Oh, great. I’m raising a pint sized Dahmer. I’d better nip this in the bud before his first grade class gets more “Show and Tell” than they ever bargained for.
I tell my husband that our baby rather casually mentioned tea bagging.
Me: This isn’t funny! Aren’t you the slightest bit concerned? It’s horrifying!
Husband: It’s not…
Me: Oh yes it is serious. We need to do something!
Husband: No, I mean, his description is accurate.
Me: WHAT?! So now it’s about the accuracy of the inappropriateness?
My husband explains that “tea bagging” is a term used in gaming which refers to the act of pouncing on your opponent triumphantly after killing them.
Why didn’t someone just tell me that?
I’m still not happy that my six year old is playing the kinds of games that use terms like “tea bagging” and “fresh kill.”
A new rule is put into effect, wherein he plays games which don’t include cleverly hidden innuendo.
Crisis averted, I turn my attention to something more benign like Pinterest. I think I’ll get some of those flavored sugar rimmers.