On Shortness

Guess which one’s me. I’ll give you a hint.
The children’s helmets were a different color.

Today at the gym I took a nice sized chunk of skin out of my shin trying to do box jumps because I forgot that I’m 5’2” and contrary to popular belief, cannot jump. Other than bodily harm, there are many other lovely things that come along with being vertically challenged, so let me just tell you about them.

People assume you are a child. I went to a doctor’s appointment yesterday and the registration person wanted to know if this would be filed under my dad’s insurance. No, it will not. You can file it under You’re an Asshole.

There was also the time I bought a desk lamp at Target and the cashier said to me in a sing song voice, “Someone’s going to college.…” People tell me I should be proud of this because I look young, but I guarantee that he was not thinking, “Look at this hot college coed,” but more like “Look at this funny person who is three-quarters the size of a regular person.” So no, I’m not proud.

You can never take standing pictures with your spouse if they are normal sized. My husband, who is 6’1’, and I did this once and it looked like the Jolly Green Giant married an Oompa Loompa.

You are sometimes forced to wear children’s clothing. Like the time we went bowling and I was given shoes with Velcro. Only thing worse would be if they lit up when I walked and had Dora plastered all over them.

Sometimes adult clothes just don’t fit though. When I complain about this to my husband he will say, “Why don’t you just look in the children’s section?” Because I’m 33 and do adult things like pay taxes and schedule regular appointments with my dentist…that’s why.

The only up side to this shortness thing is I rarely bang my head on things and when I do swallow my pride and meander over the kids section, I can get a t-shirt for like $5. So I’ve got that going for me.

About the Writer
Sabine Brown is trained as a physician assistant, but now stays home with her two children ages 5 and 2.  She now spends a lot of time removing poop from the bathtub and settling disputes of who looked at who funny.  She lives in Tulsa with her husband Eric.  Follow her at Sabine of Suburbia or on Facebook

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