When Your New BFF Doesn’t Know She Wants To Be Your BFF Yet

So, you’ve met this mom at 5:30 a.m. CardioPump, and she’s wicked funny and laughs endearingly with her hand over her mouth when the breast-implants-bought-on-a-girls-roadtrip-to-Mexico nasty neighbor up front hits herself in the face with the hand weights. When you see that your new crush’s travel mug reads, “Yeah. I said it. So What,” you fall even harder in love.

A match made in heaven, the kind of sisterbuddy you’ve been hoping for since you had kids and fell off the face of the earth. But there’s a problem, and it’s not a small one. Though you’ve mentally made your claim on her as your BFF, you still need to figure out how to let her know she wants to be your BFF right back.

This problem is more common than you think, and fixable–you just can’t let her see the tail wagging desperate puppy that lonely hours at home have turned you into.

First, you must establish an air of elusiveness; you know the adage “there’s always a hunter, and a hunted.” Put your hunted cap on and slip away quickly and mysteriously after class, let her wonder who that always-so-busy-with-important-things-to-do-at-6:30 a.m. woman is. She doesn’t need to know that you’re rushing home to put the darks in the dryer before they bleed into the washer tub.

Second, dial it down. Don’t laugh wild eyed and mouth agape, hands clapping, hyena screaming YOU’RE SO FUNNY! ala Tom Cruise to Conan O’Brien. A subtle, tight lipped snicker speaks volumes over any manic sofa-jumping antics. Really, could you handle the pain of your future BFF turning to you and saying, “Dude. It’s not that funny.”

Third, experiment with moving closer to your BFF-to-be while in class. Check her out. Be sure she’s the one for you. Loneliness and friendship starvation can make a tree look good, if it promised to talk back to you.

Lastly, as with all new things in life, there will be a learning curve. If your mom crush does return your interest in getting to know each other outside of class, remind yourself there will be an adjustment period as you do the Getting To Know You Dance. Some of your jokes will float her boat, some may only result in a polite smile back. That’s okay.

It takes 28 days to establish a new habit. And that includes her realizing you’re her new BFF. Stick with it–you’ll find her sweet spot–just that thing that will help her see what an awesome thing it would be to have you in her life.

And nothing puts that realization in faster gear than an offer to buy her a $6.00 double tall breve latte. But if she is just that awesome, no doubt in my mind that I’d offer her cake pops, too–as many as that adorable hand she giggled into can hold.

photo credit: Edson Hong via photopin cc

About Alexandra

Alexandra is a writer who has found the secret to getting rich as a blogger that she'll share with you for just $9.99. When not taking her checks to the bank, Alexandra blogs at Good Day Regular People about life as an overanalyzing mother of three boys trying to go unnoticed in her small town. The most important things you need to know about her are that the internet saves her daily and that she believes the most you can ask for in life is to arrive at the end of it all with your hair messed up, out of breath, and not throwing up. Alexandra is a contributing writer for TikiTikiblog and FunnynotSlutty.


  1. Cindy Brown says:

    Alexandra, I am 43 and I just tried to make a new friend. It blew up in my face within the first three hours. Totally didn’t work out! I met her at church and thought she was sooo nice, very intelligent, put together, etc. and we finally invited her over for dinner with our family where she proceeded to flip out over one comment. I knew right then there was no way we could be friends, no matter how tempting it had been at church to befriend her. Sucks when making friends in middle age, not middle grade, takes a nosedive!

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  2. Vikki says:

    This can double as lesbian dating advice.

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  3. Wendi says:

    You can get new boobs on Mexican roadtrips!? BRB. Gotta go rearrange a few travel plans.

    Funny piece, A.

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  4. Casey says:

    What about being on the other side of this? That happened to me recently. Someone REALLY wanted to be my friend. But she laughed way too hard at my jokes. And we all know I’m not THAT funny.

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  5. YES! Making friends is so much like dating.

  6. I might have talked to a tree before.


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  7. shannel says:

    HI, I love your post. I don’t know why it was so easy making friends back in kindergarten. But when you are 30? “nothing seems to float near your boat” (sigh)

  8. Sigh. It is so hard as an adult to make friends! Well, if I’m honest, I never was good at it.

    Off to go plan my Mexican Boobage Road Trip!

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  9. Arnebya says:

    Y’all. There’s at least three of us wanting to buy boobs. We should be able to get some kind of Cans Coupon, no?

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  10. So… I see you’ve had a private eye stalking me…. I don’t know how I feel about that.

    I am much more well behaved online than in person. I have time to think. Sometimes. And ALL of my close friends are busty and me… I am not. I think I’m secretly collecting them to see if they’ll each donate a boob portion to me. But shhhhh…. don’t tell!

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  11. Kim says:

    I’m in a new city and trying to avoid going around with wide eyes and slavering expression in a BFF search. Thank you for stopping me before I got out posterboard and paint to make a sandwich board advertising myself for coffee and snarking twice a week.

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  12. Deborah says:

    Making new friends makes me sweat and not in a girly, glowy kind of way – more like a cave miner in alabama in august kind of way. And then what if you virtually meet someone online?!? And you have to jump from thoughtfully composed, quippy blog comments to emails to ACK! phone conversations and then possibly REAL LIFE MEETINGS?!? I’m sweating just thinking about it, and my fingers are sliding off the keyboard. Uch. Well at least I can say that more often than not, se vale la pena, you know?

  13. Mrs. Tuna says:

    Step away from my bestie Alexandra you hussies, she’s all mine!

  14. MLP says:

    If you pass me a note that says, “Do you want to be friends? Check YES or NO,” I will check YES.

    Also, what town did you say that was that was giving away Mexican boobs?

  15. I went on a girls’s roadtrip to Mexico and I was the only one in the group who didn’t have plastic boobs! (For the record, I came back from the trip with my own flesh intact.)

    In some ways, finding good friends is harder than dating – you don’t have the lure of sex to offer.

  16. Cookies! I always bring cookies. Even if my chatter isn’t as fascinating as a new friend hopes for, melty tollhouse morsels might get me invited back for a second chance…I hope! I almost think I have had an easier time as an adult making friends…my baking skills were not up to par in middle school I guess. (And as far as laughing too hard…I once spit out a huge mouthful of milk all over the cool girls’ stuff at lunch, over something that certainly could not have been that funny.)

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