As I was driving to Target the other day, I stopped behind a van with a bumper sticker that said the following:
My Dog Gave Blood at ACCES.
Just hear me out, people. I am a pet owner. I have always had cats and dogs and one unfortunate stint with mice as a child. I have two cats right now who I adopted from a shelter 10 years ago. They were having a “2 for 1″ sale on cats that day (that’s the truth). But we don’t like to talk about which one was the free one (p.s. it was totally Diva). I love my cats dearly. I loved them MORE before I had kids, but I do love them.
But when I saw this bumper sticker and realized that there are people out there who are having their pets donate blood for other pets… I had myself a little moment.
See, the word “donation” implies that it is voluntary. I think we can all agree that there is nothing even CLOSE to voluntary about a cat giving blood.
That’s not to say that I don’t I support the practice — I get that there are times when animals need blood transfusions, like if they’ve been hit by a car. If one of our cats got hit by a car, however, Mike would offer the medical treatment of “sweet forever sleep” for exactly zero dollars. He likes to threaten the cats occasionally by telling them that he already has the hole dug (I’m pretty sure this is a joke, but I cannot guarantee it). Don’t get me wrong — Mike does feel a kind of twisted affection for the cats, he just doesn’t like the way they look at him.
But back to animal blood donation. Apparently, when vets needed blood in the past, they would just fucking take some (because we’re talking about animals and you can’t ask permission) from whatever was closest. But I guess these days they want to get the gerbil’s consent or something. As in: “Bad news, Dr. Nelson. It’s Mittens in cage three. He says he’s not signing a thing without his lawyer.”
No no, now they ask for donations and there are actually dog and cat blood banks set up all over the country. That’s cool. I dig it. But lets be honest about what’s going on here, shall we? Here are some suggestions for new bumper stickers:
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