How to Buy a House, Part II

I watch a lot of HGTV, so I know a thing or too about buying houses. On those shows people look at three or four homes before they’re ready to make a decision. That’s maybe one day of looking.

Once they’ve spent a day looking, the next day they make a decision about which of the three houses they want. Later that afternoon, they find out if the seller has accepted their offer. If their offer is accepted they move into the house later that week. Easy…right?

I have something shocking to tell you. Are you sitting down? What you see on HGTV has been edited together to fit into a neat half-hour time slot. I realized that after our first day of house hunting.

We’re looking at fixer uppers because that’s what is in our price range. That means we’ve seen tons of houses with something dodgy going on inside, like the incredible-sinking house, the whoops-my-ceiling-fell-in house, the six-itty-bitty-rooms house, or the overpowering-smell-of-dog house.

Some houses even have exciting extra features that you just can’t find anywhere else, like a giant, dangerous slide to nowhere in the backyard, or a damp smell that takes up residence in your lungs as soon as you walk in the front door. You have to pay extra for those features.

Most days looking aren’t so good, but every once in a while we get a really good day. Sometimes angels even sing the moment we step into a place. I swear that’s what happened when we looked at the house we are trying to buy now. I stepped into the living room and The Vienna Boys Choir broke into The Hallelujah chorus. “I’ll take it,” I said, excited that the search was finally over.

The problem with buying a bank owned house is that the bank doesn’t seem as anxious to sell it as we do to buy it. We make an offer. They take years to respond with a counter offer. We make another offer; they take years to respond again. We sign a contract; they take years to sign it. It’s all so frustrating, but that’s okay. I’m biding my time by driving by the place and looking in the windows several times a day. I hope my new neighbors don’t call the police on me before I even move in.

About the Author

Lovelyn is an author and blogger. Read about the funny side of life on her blog Nebulous Mooch where life is all sunshine and sausages.



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  1. Paul Green says:

    Hi Guest Writer,

    I did read this with some amusement. You don’t seriously believe what you see on TV do you? These shows are put together with all the theatre of a Broadway Musical and bear no relation to reality apart from living bodies are in them.

    Another thing, the 321 is a standard Estate Agent/Realtor ploy. When they meet you they already have their ideal house for you already planned well in advance. The game is, they show you what you don’t want first, then the second, and then show you what you do want – the third house. People who are unaware of this process fall for it all the time.

    Ho hum.


  1. Moving In says:

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