I happen to be a very hairy woman. I could explain to you that I am African American/Belgian/Spanish/
Also, regardless of all the facts and figures, I still found myself seven months pregnant, hormonal, and staring down at my swollen belly. I thought to myself, “Why am I so hairy?” I teared up a bit. It wasn’t rational, it wasn’t even well planned. But what I did next was desperate and sad. I feverishly plowed through the half used products stored underneath my bathroom sink. I was already sweaty and breathing heavy. I was focused. The baby inside me wriggled around and I felt the stress of my huge belly hanging down as I looked for the hot wax kit on my hands and knees.
You know what happened next.
I heated the wax and smeared the green warm goo onto my monstrous abdomen. I laid the paper strip on the line of goo, rubbed a few times, and without a care in the world I ripped the strip off my belly. ”YoooooooooooowwOUCH!” I howled loud enough that my husband ran into the bathroom. He found me standing topless in my underwear. Tears and stretch marks and hairy wax stripe: the evidence of my momentary lapse in judgement. “Um, Jazz?” he stared at me puzzled. ” I launched into my flustered and heartfelt explanation. “I am SO hairy and I didn’t want to go to the ultrasound again and have Dr. Crownover squirt that gel on my hairy belly! The little doppler makes swirls in the hair because am so hairy! Now I have this stripe that I waxed, but I can’t finish because it is painful! And. *GASP* WHY AM I SO HAIRY!”
I didn’t wax the rest of my belly. It hurt too much. Two days later I went to my ultrasound with a singular smooth landing strip. I went through the usual motions. Dr. Crownover greeted me. I laid back and pulled up my shirt. He looked at my belly, paused for a moment, and smirked, “I see you’ve been doing some waxing.” I stared at the far corner of the room and replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
About the Writer
Jasmine has been writing since before kindergarten, though her grammar and spelling haven’t improved. She’s also had a sassy mouth since before kindergarten, if you ask her mother. She writes all sorts of self absorbed stories over at JustJasmineBlog.com where she’ll expect you to worship her and leave a comment. She’ll pay you in hugs and inappropriate jokes.