CC: Buddha@nliten.com, Shiva@rencarn8.com
BCC: Mephistopheles@newscorp.com, Mel.Gibson@hell.com
Subject: Oversight in creation – please make me Anne Hathaway
I know you are fairly booked up, but I wanted to see if we could find some time on our schedules to discuss a rather large oversight on your part.
I don’t want to point fingers or anything. I know we are all a team (some more functional members than others), but why did you see it fit to give all the good DNA to Anne Hathaway? After seeing The Dark Knight (by the way, THANK YOU for Joseph Gordon-Levitt), I could not help but notice the imbalance.
I hope you are not one to play favorites, but I wanted to just point out some areas for improvement. I have added a graphic for your reference:
Anne Hathaway has legs up to her earlobes. I’m not even sure it’s possible to have legs that long, but why not throw a few inches my way? Seems like she has more than is technically needed by a human.
Additionally, she does not appear to have a flaw on her skin…anywhere…at all. Perhaps you created her as a reference to the word “milky.” I do understand that it’s helpful to be able to point to specifics with adjectives, but why reserve “ruddy” or “blotchy” for me?
Does she really need such big eyes and lips? Seems like these things could have been more evenly distributed amongst your flock.
I was going to add in her fabulous silky hair, but I realized after she shaved her head for Les Miserable, it wasn’t even all that necessary. Though, one more thing she did get more than her fair share of.
If this seems like an unreasonable request, I am open to spit-balling a few other ideas. I’d be open to, say, a Kate Beckinsale or Penelope Cruz approach. Heck, if you were open to Tina Fey, I think we could make that happen.
Feel free to forward this to any other deities who have signing power I may have missed .
Oh, and thanks again for the “dying for our sins” project. Sorry that isn’t going as well as you had hoped, but I really appreciate the effort.
General Manager, Sarcasm and Self-Deprecation (SSD) Division
About the Writer
Irene Barnett is a working co-parent of twin boys and a rescue dog. She currently makes the rent by assuming the identity of a high-powered executive for a software consulting firm that is based out of Seattle while she actually tries to live the life of a writer in Santa Barbara, CA (http://leftofplumb.com). Irene loves paddleboarding, movies, sitting and staring, and shiny things. She hates chickens but has a soft spot for hobos.