The Couch to Cappuccino App

Week 1: Lie on the couch with your laptop. Stretch your arms above your head and reach for the ceiling. Bring your arms back down and wiggle your fingers. Then, get down to business and shop online for an espresso maker and have it delivered to your home.

Week 2: When the espresso maker arrives on your doorstep, slowly get up from the couch and approach the door. Take the espresso maker into your kitchen and set it on the counter. Return to the couch for your cool down. This is hard work but you’re doing it!

Week 3: Begin with a warm up – extend legs and point toes towards opposite end of the couch. After two minutes, swing legs off couch and walk to the kitchen. Remove espresso maker from box and set on counter. Walk slowly back to couch. Congratulations – you are getting there! Cuddle up with a blanket as a reward!

Week 4: This week, start in the kitchen! Stand at the counter and plug your espresso maker into the nearest outlet. Pour yourself a cup of coffee (preferably that has been prepared by someone else) and return to the couch to read the instruction manual. Breathe deeply to recover from exertion. You are nearing the half-way mark!

Week 5: Once again, start standing at the counter. Acquaint yourself with the parts of your machine: water tank, carafe, filter cup, sump, frother. Locate on/off switch. Return to couch and watch Netflix. You are getting so close to your cappuccino!

Week 6: Start by taking the washable parts of your machine to the kitchen sink. Stand with legs slightly apart and assure proper posture. Wash all parts of your espresso maker in hot, soapy water. Rinse well and place in drying rack. Return to the couch and use a good hand lotion and cuticle cream to assure that your hands remain supple. Can you almost taste that capp!

Week 7: This week is for rest. Prepare for the challenges that lie ahead. Spend this week lying on the couch and researching the finer points of making espresso with special attention to tips for frothing milk. Nap.

Week 8: You are ready! You can do this! Start this week by immediately going to a coffee establishment of your choice to purchase espresso. Spend the rest of this week recovering on the couch. Use a snuggie if you have one. It’s important to keep your muscles warm after an intense workout.

Week 9: This week is the week you have been working up to! You have the machine, the espresso and the know-how! Make yourself  a cappuccino!

You are now a Couch to Cappuccino success story!

Photo Credit

About Vikki

Vikki is a bored social worker by day and a mom/writer/pop culture junkie by night. She writes about GLBT issues and parenting at her personal blog Up Popped A Fox and her writing has also appeared at Grace the Spot and Autostraddle. She also has an inexplicable fascination with marshmallow Peeps. Don't ask.

Comments

  1. Anything that leads to a snuggie was blessed by Jesus!

    Twitter Name:

  2. Jana says:

    I’d like to take credit for you actually doing this ;) fabulous app! xoxo

    Twitter Name:

  3. Maggie S. says:

    Now, I definitely need a smartphone. It’s been so hard laying here with no hot drink.

    Twitter Name:

  4. Oh yes! Goddess Caffeina…I worship you from my couch in a half caff, low fat, with a dusting of cinnamon kind of way.

    Twitter Name:

  5. Hillary says:

    I don’t think I can do it – frothing milk? Too tired from raising four kids! Must find a trainer.

  6. Amiyrah says:

    This seems like lots of work, especially the amount of times I’ll have to get up and down from the the couch. But, I need to get in caffeinated shape, so I’l up for the challenge.

    Twitter Name:

Trackbacks

  1. [...] moths are indeed an amazing organic source of renewable protein, at which time I’ll buy rights to Vikki’s slogan and we’ll be millionaires: “Take flight with MothMeal-the breakfast that gives you [...]

  2. [...] I never use non-dairy creamer either. I’m fancy now–I use half and half and only in coffee. [...]

Speak Your Mind

*