How To Buy a House

My husband and I are trying to buy a house. I say trying because I don’t think obsessing over real estates sites and then sitting around on our butts really counts for doing anything at all. Real estate is my latest procrastination tool. Gee, I really need to update my blog, but first I need to look at a buttload of houses that I’ve already looked at before online. I’m really productive that way.

Our other favorite trying-to-buy-a-house activity involves circling neighborhoods like cat burglars casing the block. We have to get a feel for the neighborhood because we’re not even going to bother looking in an area that doesn’t meet our approval. The problem is that we are just too picky. When I say we what I really mean is me. The problem is I’m way too picky.

Is someone in the neighborhood working on their car in their driveway? Then that neighborhood is out. God forbid I live near someone who knows how to fix a car. Is there a vicious looking dog lurking behind a potential neighbor’s fence? No thanks. I don’t want to get eaten by a rabid poodle when I go for my morning walk. Wait …  there are no sidewalks in this neighborhood! How can I go for a morning walk without sidewalks?

I use all of these excuses, but the real reason we haven’t started looking at houses yet is because I’m having such a difficult time with the commitment. I just can’t picture myself living in the same house in the same neighborhood forever and ever until I die! Oh my goodness, that’s just way too much pressure. It’s like committing to a tattoo before the invention of laser tattoo removal.

As much as the cheapskate in me knows that buying a house will be a lot easier on our bank account in the long run, the untethered rambler in me is having a heart attack.

“What will we do when I decide we should move to Turkey?” I ask my husband one day.

“Why would you want to move to Turkey?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I just picked a random place,” I say.

“We could sell it or rent it out,” he says like it is no problem at all and my whole identity is shattered. I’ve gone from being a free spirit who could move to Turkey on a whim to being some kind of evil slum lord refusing to fix a leaky pipe and delivering eviction notices.

We’ve made an appointment with our real estate agent for the end of the week.

He has no idea what he’s in for.

About the Author

When not searching real estates sites or casing neighbors, Lovelyn writes a blog nebulousmooch, where she looks at the funny side of everyday life. She’s also written a few novels.




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  1. Alexandra says:

    Loved this only b/c you are my husband. I am your husband. I don’t care, just get me in a house. My husband? Driving around, assessing the care of the front lawns.

    SO nice to see you featured here, Lovelyn.


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  2. Paul Green says:

    That’s right. You’ll never buy a house because you are mentally not ready. The procrastination is just a symptom. Sorry if you are not ready to hear this.

    If you cant see youself living in a house – perhaps you need to start there – actually see yourself living in a house – that way you are mentally half way there.

    What does your ideal house look like in your head. What does it sounds like? How does it feel to live in your ideal house?

    I’d suggest you do not proceed until you have this or you’ll probably be wasting your time.

    • Lovelyn says:

      Hi Paul,
      Thanks for the advice. I’ve been thinking a lot about my ideal house and I’ve decided that my ideal house would definitely be made of gingerbread. It would have gumdrops as doorknobs and candy canes as stair rails. I’ve never considered what a house might sound like, but now that you mentioned it I think it would be nice if the heavenly voice of a lone soprano choir boy rang out each time I stepped on a creaky floorboard. Why should I just settle for plain old creaking when I could hear angelic singing instead? Now that my vision as to what I want is a bit clearer I think we’ll find the perfect house in no time.

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  3. Zachary says:

    Heya! I know this is sort of off-topic however I had to ask.
    Does running a well-established blog like yours require a massive amount work?
    I am completely new to blogging but I do write in my journal daily.
    I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!


  1. [...] it … searching for houses. They actually posted it. Go figure. Anyway you should check it out you can find it here. Be Sociable, Share! Tweet This entry was posted on Friday, January 4th, 2013 at [...]

  2. [...] watch a lot of HGTV, so I know a thing or too about buying houses. On those shows people look at three or four homes before they’re ready to make a decision. [...]

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