4 Things You Must Do on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day holds a special charm for me. Maybe it’s the wine sales. Or the candy cinnamon-lip-induced pre-diabetic coma. ‘Tis the season, after all. No matter the reason, there are a few things I really look forward to making happen on V-Day and you should too, no matter your relationship status.


For the Newly Attached: I’m a fan of fondue restaurants. You get to sit across from your dreamboat for 2-3 hours dipping things in cheese and chocolate. Order booze. Talk to your date. Ask them questions. Listen. This is the fun, fascinating time in a new relationship where everything tingles with excitement. Relish it.

For the Married +: Avoid the routine or mainstream on this one. Aim for a new place with a good reputation. How about a hole-in-the-wall Thai food joint? That tiny pizza and beer place that always has the line out the door? Married+s run the risk of drowning in habit. So go have an adventure together!

For the Independent: Go out! Hit up a dance club. Have dinner with a pal or a neighbor. With somebody who you think could maybe use some company. Let go of the idea that everything that happens on February 14 must only be romantic. Or go out to your favorite restaurant and order exactly what you want and eat it and love it and don’t worry about a damn thing. Tonight? Be in love with you.


Newly Attached: I don’t have to tell you what to do, right? Just use protection, listen to your partner, and if you bump uglies in the great outdoors, don’t get caught.

Married +: See above, “habit.” So shave your nether regions. Wear your favorite cologne, the outfit you feel the sexiest in and your best shoes (I suggest red patent leather stilettos; they’ll kink up any occasion or gender). Break out the toys, the lube and the good riding crop. (If you don’t have these things, get them!) You’re not too tired. Even if you don’t think you’re in the mood, set the scene and start a rubbin’ on your partner. You won’t be sorry.

Independent: Put on your favorite sexy movie of whatever rating you like, run a hot bath with bubbles and start on your first of several glasses of wine. Get out the toys. Create a night just for you because you deserve it, where you can take as long as you like satisfying your sexual needs, with no pressure and no need for reciprocation. When I say go fuck yourself, I mean it in the very sexiest, self-loving and self-care way. Tonight? It’s about you, baby.

Good Wine and Chocolate

Newly Attached: Yes. Lots.

Married +: Yes. Lots.

Independent: Yes. Lots.


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About OnBlank

Kristina is a type-A lunatic and a culinary klutz. She has many opinions, most of them about bread. She's awesome at setting nachos on fire and drinking beer. This in mind she's the brains at the food blog OnBlank.com. She dabbles in graphic design, self-help writing, bad poetry and working her husband's wood. (No really, he's a fine woodworker. You know, like a carpenter? Sha...buncha perverts.) She live-tweets meltdowns at @onblank and is always trying to keep her cheese from slipping off her cracker.



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  2. Also there was nothing about amyl nitrate? A known skeezo-disiac.

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