So Now I Use Rogaine

Back in April the woman who cuts my hair dropped the hammer.

She suggested we start to leave it a little longer on top. Turns out my hair is thinning. It’s just not as thick and luxurious as once was.

I didn’t really pay attention until this weekend. I was heading out and needed to fix my hair. I threw a dab of molding creme in and started moving the hair this way and that for ten seconds.

Then I saw it.

The light from above my childhood bathroom vanity shone down onto my hair. However, it went past the hair and touched skull. Yes, light touched skull.

To say that I needed smelling salts to revive me would be an exaggeration. I didn’t even faint. I did, however, brace myself against the counter and lean into the mirror for a closer look.

Okay, so it turned out not to be a bald spot. The hair just was set in a weird direction thanks to the gel. But, my hair always turns in funky directions. I could have been in a boy band with this hair. I wouldn’t have been one of the guys who sings well or dances. I would have been the introspective, brooding one staring off into the ether while the other four did their choreographed megaworm box-step. The new-cool-for-school boy band guy.

I’ve been looking at my hair for a long time. This is first where I had ever seen a decent chunk of my melon. I knew it was time to take action.

I did a little Rogaine research online to make sure minoxidil does not cause Smelly Dick Syndrome (SDS), and I then I got online to place an order.

 

Yes, I finally took a photo of myself in the mirror using my phone. I must be the only person ever to do this clothed.

So now I take this eye dropper (eh… hair dropper) thing and drip hair growth goodness on my skull twice a day. I’m not happy about it, but it’s time to face facts. Balder and fatter. It’s happening. My back hair, though–no problem keeping that growing.

One fun thing you can do with back and shoulder hair. Shave it all and wait seven days. Then rub your hands over it for the spiny prickles. Now, run around the apartment yelling, “I’m a porcupine! I’m a porcupine!”

So, I’ll be Rogaine’ing it until the day I die, I guess. I think I have to keep going or it all falls out like a month later. I’ve taken the plunge. Will I film myself putting the solution onto my head so you can see it stream down the side of my face and then upload it to AimingLow? You know I will.

About the Writer

Delfin Paris is a humor blogger from Chicago who attempts to write funny stories on his blog Thoughts from Paris about stupid crap that happens to him. He’s currently #3 on Google for funny blogs and wishes ill for #1 and #2. His most popular story is about the time this past year when he saw his dad’s dick.

About Comic Relief Roster

When a member of Aiming Low has to take a break you know it's a big deal. It could be an environmental catastrophe. A intergalactic supernova. The vodka bottle could be EMPTY!!! We have a great team of writers that hop in place when we are locked in Tahitian prisons we are out with the Chlamydia we are out.. We call these HEROES the "Comic Relief Roster".

Comments

  1. Now I feel guilty about being so pissy about the increasing amounts of grey.

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  2. I have a theory that men and their thinning hair are like women and their weight. We freak out unnecessarily about it. Reading this made me remember my husband started with the Rogaine when we were first married and his hairline started the stampede in the wrong direction. Then suddenly it stopped. He hasn’t used it in years and his hair has stabilized. He looks great but then I really don’t see him and his hair — I just see him. If that makes sense.

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    • Yes – I was married and if my wife put on weight or lost it I never noticed. It’s a good thing if she gains seven pounds. Not a good thing if she loses seven pounds. Also I probably shouldn’t have worn that “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt around the house as much.

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  3. I checked out Rogaine for Women last year (don’t ask…), but one of the most common side effects listed was “extreme weight gain.” WTH?? You might want to start weighing in daily… :)

  4. IzzyMom says:

    Dude..my hair has gotten so much thinner than it used to be (from a pretty bad case of chronic anemia..who knew???) and I will NEVER forget the moment I realized that I had about half as much hair as I had the year before. It still falls out but luckily new little Woodstock hairs are popping up all the time. Soon you’ll have them, too :)

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