Some Drugs are Good

You know things are getting messy when your doctor tells you that you need to go work from Starbucks.

I already knew something was wrong. I was there because something was wrong. I was there to go back on a medication I hadn’t needed in several years.

I could feel it coming back–the irrational anger, the inability to let anything go, the part where I didn’t like anybody or want to do anything two weeks out of each month. I had been there before. I knew it was really bad when I wanted to punch the lady in the waiting room for singing along with the muzak.

When the doctor asks you if you are under more stress than normal and you burst into tears she can assume the answer is yes.

We’re remodeling our house and we can’t live there and we are living with my in-laws and we commute 40 minutes each way every day to take the kids to school and I am trying to work from home while they are cutting holes in my walls and jackhammering things and there is a huge hole in my house and I’m turning 40 and the cats keeps scratching my mother-in-law’s chairs and a teenager died in the woods behind my house and nobody will tell us what happened and I’ve been sleeping on a pullout sofa with a man that is 6′ 4″ and I lost my best-paying freelance job and I need to quit another job because it is giving me IBS and peri-menopause is making me feel like I am going to bleed out every month and I am pretty sure one of the neighbor kids is going to fall in the hole in back yard and die and  every single meal time is a problem and they never ordered the sliding doors and we’re having 15 people over for Thanksgiving and I don’t think the house will be done in time and all of our winter clothes are in storage and my daughter is out in the waiting room because she has lice and can’t go to school and I have to deal with that as soon as we leave here but we don’t have any hot water at my house so I have to figure out where I can wash her hair.

I was totally charming.

She gave me the medicine.

She also put me on the pill, which was a real shock, especially since my husband had a vasectomy seven years ago. Apparently the pill evens you out. I am all for that.

I think it might be working. I haven’t cried in three days. Then again, I am working at the library right now and I want to punch the lady in the quiet room who has her headphones turned up so loud that we all get to hear her Michael Bolton bullshit. But I like to think that no amount of pharmacology will stop adult contemporary music from making me hostile and thanks to modern medicine I will be just fine.

As long as I can avoid elevators.


About Goon Squad Sarah

Goon Squad Sarah rocks the mic like a vandal.

Sarah can also be found at Sarah and the Goon Squad, Draft Day Suit, That's Right. You Heard Me.,on twitter @goonsquadsarah or yelling at her TV.


  1. Jessi says:

    Can you even imagine a world where Michael Bolton should be played at that volume? Here’s to evening out and getting better. :)

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  2. Beth says:

    I had a tubal and my doctor put me on the pill for similar reasons. It has been so much better since then. So much better.

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  3. The next time Michael Bolton music gets you crazy, please watch the Jack Sparrow video with Michael Bolton and Lonely Island:

    I love it so much.

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  4. Aww honey, I have SO BEEN THERE. Chris and I were weeks away from a separation when I finally dragged myself to the doctor and told her “help me. It’s like I’ve fallen into a dark hole and I can’t get out, and even if I could, I’d just be standing in fog.” That was the day I started Effexor and holy crap, does it work for me. I know how hard it is to ask for help, and I’m So glad you got some.

    I’m 45 and in the beginning of perimenopause, which just plain sucks and really doesn’t help with depression and anxiety either. I know we usually only see each other once a year at BlogHer but you can seriously email, message, or call me any time. Even just to rant or vent or cry.

    Also, Michael Bolton? Seriously, lady at the library? Time to familiarize with music recorded in THIS century.

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  5. Laurie says:

    I am really glad you got that medicine.

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