Monarchy and the Making of Amaydeekah

Fake Ben Franklin looking full on gangster in front of the Declaration of Independence.

Have I mentioned before that I was the first person my family to be born in America?

I’m the only one in my family who can be president because I was actually born here. I have no intention of running for president, of course, because, think about it, if I were president right now, I would never have been able to finish the entire first season of American Horror Story last night as well as spend most of today in my pajamas. Really, the only thing that’s stopping me from being your president is Hulu and getting actual votes.

As my husband prepared to become a naturalized citizen about four years ago, he was a little stressed about the civics test. I knew he had nothing to worry about because he’s smart, but also because I quote Thomas Jefferson a lot and that should be enough for anyone to learn a thing or two about American government. In fact, if you subtract the words “totally” and “awesome” from my vocabulary, I talk just like the Declaration of Independence nearly imperceptible modifications notwithstanding. The point of distinction is that the colonists had their King George, while I have my three year old prince with whom I must negotiate with usually to no avail.

He has refused his Assent to Mommy Law, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his father to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to follow other Laws for the accommodation of older sisters, unless that sister would relinquish the right of Representation in the arguing over the last cookie or new toy, a right inestimable to her and formidable to tyrants only.

Seriously, dudes, I only had to change like four words in there. Also, why is “assent” capitalized. It makes it read like it’s the name of a cologne.

“Oh, King George, would you like to wear your new cologne Assent today?”

“No, thank you, I offer my refusal of Assent.”

Because that’s how they all talked. They don’t say things like, “Uh-uh” or “Nah.” That makes me super sad for them. Anyway, there was some quizzing when Tariq had to take the citizenship test and I became super excited because “hey, my graduate work was in history.” Words of advice: never try to teach your husband anything. You start off Thomas Jefferson and end up George Jefferson.

Dammit, Weezie!!

While Tariq says America quite well, it went a lot like this exchange between Red and Fez from the 70s show.

He passed, by the way.

Photo credit: cliff1066™ via photopin cc


About Faiqa Khan

Mother of two, wife of one, master of none. Trying madly to be prolific on her personal blog at Native Born and proving beyond a reasonable doubt that she's not a racist on Hey! That's My Hummus!


  1. Summer says:

    Do you currently blog this site? I am looking for a good, fun place to banter about spouses! I NEED IT!

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