It’s that time. I’ve seen you on Facebook and Twitter, sharing your pictures of outfits you and your family or just your kid is going to wear on your annual Holiday Letter. If you actually think of yours as a Holiday Letter, please continue reading.
Holiday and Letter are capped because this letter isn’t so much a letter as it is a short story. I love getting them, I honestly do. I just want to help you put out a better Holiday Letter this year. Let’s strive for a Holiday Note! A Holiday Update!
Let me help you, help yourself. Your friends and family will thank me.
1. Make it shorter. We know you want to update us on the entire year, play-by-play, but if you insist on writing 2 pages at 8 point type, may I recommend you start a blog and provide the link? I know you can sum up your year in about two paragraphs. I believe in you.
2. No writing about poop. In fact, let’s take pee and vomit off the list as well. Look. I know your friends and family love your kid but I’m fairly certain they don’t care about the specifics of potty-training. And if you are writing about your own poop, pee or vomit, may I respectfully say cut that out?
3. No postage stamp-sized pictures. This is directly tied to #1, because if you didn’t write so much you’d be able to make the pictures bigger. I am old and I know you know old people too. We can’t see well, so give us a break and make the pictures bigger.
4. Use better fonts. You don’t need to get fancy. No scripty fonts, and for the love of all things Holiday, please, no comic sans (Google it, if you must).
5. Represent yourself. I love my friends’ kids, I do. I even have a couple of my own. I know for a fact that your kids (and pets for that matter) are adorable. Right? But we want to see you. You are the friend of the person you are sending your card to, show yourself. Get in the damn picture, would you?
Now go and write less! Then mail me one or even better, email me one.