Rhymes With Pixar

In my never-ending attempt to not swear profusely in front of my children, yesterday I uttered the phrase CRAP-A-DOODLE-DOO!

My kids think I am a comic genius.

I find myself writing about cursing frequently but it seems to be fitting. Plus, I figure that you people have the same problems and my secret hope is that you will back me up in the comments.

Since my husband and I both have potty mouths we take the tack that they aren’t bad words, they are just “inappropriate for children words”. Then on special occasions and with permission we might let them say one.

If you ever meet my mother-in-law you should ask her about the time the twins requested permission to say one swear word. She said yes and braced herself for “ass” and my six year old daughter said “Okay, heh. Fucker.”

True story.

We went out for Mexican food one night this week and were having a lovely family conversation about my son’s dreams to make movies in Hollywood. He was brainstorming studio names when his sister suggested he should probably not use the name Pixar since it was already taken. “Maybe Bixar?” “Nixar.” “Flixar.”

“Okay! That is enough!” I stopped it there. They were getting loud. Then my husband said. “Oh, I thought of one, but it is inappropriate.”

“What is it, Dad?” both children wanted to know. Fortunately the food came right then. I thought it was over.

I thought wrong.

You know how when you get your food it gets quiet for a minute while everyone begins stuffing their faces full of food? Yeah, that still happened, but the first break in the lull was the boy.

“I think I know what it is, but I can’t say it.”

“What what is?” I asked. Because I forgot about it.

“Dad’s inappropriate studio name.”

“Let’s not talk about it anymore.” the grown-ups say.

“Heh.”

“What is it?” his sister wants to know.

Let’s just nip this in the bud and then be done with it, I think. “Fine. What letter does it start with?”

“S-H-I-T.”

“Okay!” I say.

“S-H-I-T-sar.” he says.

“No. That wasn’t it.” his father tells him.

We go back to eating. We talk about other things: our day, fantasy football, kitchen remodeling, Gorgoroth, what appears to be a pear carved into the booth, you know, regular family talk. Then my daughter says. “I know it is!”

Here we go again.

She decides to whisper it to her father.

My daughter whispers like a Skakesperian actor. I can hear clearly from across the table amidst the loud-ass mariachi music as she cover her mouth and leans into my husband’s ear. She says “shitsar.”

We all start laughing. Because we are all 11 years old.

“No!” he says. “That is the same thing your brother said.”

“Oh.” she says and then both kids keep laughing for a while.

They wouldn’t let it drop. Fortunately, since we met there and had two separate cars to drive home they couldn’t gang up on us in an enclosed space. Hopefully they would forget about it before we got home.

My son tried to trick me into telling him in the car, but I wouldn’t budge. “It isn’t mine to tell. It is your father’s and if he wants to tell you he will.”

Once we got home it was homework, then showers, then bed. We said goodnight to the children then went into the kitchen. My husband put his arms around me and looked into my eyes and said “Shitsar.” and we both laughed.

“It was Dicksar, right?” I asked.

“Of course!”

And then we laughed some more. Because Dicksar is funny.

About Goon Squad Sarah

Goon Squad Sarah rocks the mic like a vandal.

Sarah can also be found at Sarah and the Goon Squad, Draft Day Suit, That's Right. You Heard Me.,on twitter @goonsquadsarah or yelling at her TV.

Comments

  1. IzzyMom says:

    Dicksar…that’s priceless! (we appear to have similar parenting styles)

    Twitter Name:

  2. Andrea says:

    Ahhh, that magic age when your kids grow up just enough to get most of your jokes, which for us are also of the 11-year-old variety. Dicksar is funny, and so is Shitsar. Heh indeed.

    Twitter Name:

  3. smart aleck says:

    Dicksar is the perfect porn production company name…but lawyering up might be a good idea…unless he partners with anyone named Richard…he can already claim the sar is from Sarah. A Miramax defense…which Disney would have to accept. :-)
    I remember being at that stage where I got the parent jokes but pretended I still didn’t… good times…

    And your daughter whispers like she belongs in my family or at my job. Love it.

  4. That is funny. Cursing is funny, no matter what my mom says.

    To make you feel better, my kids get lots of great cuss words and phrases from me. I tried to change, “For the love of God!” to, “For the love of Christmas,” but even those words said with the right tone from a 3 year-old is bad.

    One day the boys were being a bit whiny, and I was about done with them. We stopped to get lunch and I mumbled something about being cold but don’t worry we won’t forget your damn cheeseburger. So my son Alex said, “It’s not a damn cheeseburger Mommy.” Right.

    Twitter Name:

  5. Tiffany says:

    Dicksar is awesome! I curse a little too often around my children as well. The rule? You can cuss all you want when you can pay your own bills. Til then? No way.

    Twitter Name:

  6. Maddie says:

    Hand to god.. the first thing my first child said.. at 10 months old was FUCK..and he heard it from me ( in my defense I had just dropped a Dutch oven on my foot). I figured it was all done hill after that so 6 kids later and they all curse at home.. and I don’t care. In public is different and they have learned those rules so are fine with that.

    Of course the other day one of my children was chastised by a woman for saying “heck”… ..yes ~heck~. This of course made me furious (I was totally PMS to boot).. she had no right to jump on my kid and for the word ~~heck~~.. are you kidding me?? So what did I say?… .. To quote ” Are you Fucking kidding me?”.. mind you own business bitch” — yes it was one of my better moments for sure!

  7. Kristin says:

    This seriously had me laughing out loud. And, your comment that “since my husband and I both have potty mouths we take the tack that they aren’t bad words, they are just ‘inappropriate for children words’”…my husband and I resemble that statement.

    Twitter Name:

  8. Amiyrah says:

    Hahaha! I totally thought it was shitsar too, but the adult in me agrees that Dicksar is the funnier of the two.

    Twitter Name:

Speak Your Mind

*