Do you have a secret drawer, not to be confused with a junk drawer? All mothers do. Don’t they? It’s a teeny, tiny “keep hope alive” treasure chest from before we were covered in spit up, poured into yoga pants and suffering from extreme exhaustion and Mommy brain.
Maybe you use it to hide contraband Halloween chocolates from bite-sized chocoholics. Maybe we wait until those tiny chocolate thieves go to bed and then we indulge in fun-sized Snickers like it’s the last piece of chocolate on earth.
In my drawer, I have my rabbit (The Vagina whisperer travels a lot), the positive pregnancy tests from each of my pregnancies (as a reminder of why the rabbit is here), seasick bands (my morning sickness cure and current birth control), a tube of fire engine red lipstick worn once (because I’m an undercover freak), Ambien (because the upside of being an insomniac is Ambien sex) and $500 of get out of jail money… just in case. Apparently, in my past life I was a bit of a whore.
Maybe your secret drawer holds a saucy side of you, bad porn, or maybe risqué photos of you and your husband. Yikes, hope the kids never stumble onto that. That would make that accidental happening upon The Joy of Sex seem innocuous.
When you’re a mom, it’s your kids’ world and you are just living in it. There’s no time to do what you want to do. You’re a mom and you do mom things and there is no more room in your life for sexy or daring except for that damn drawer. It’s where your id is hiding out until those kids go to college or, at least, stop crawling into your bed in the middle of the night.
Maybe your secret drawer keeps you tethered to the you inside the mommy. Does it hide diplomas from institutions of higher learning, receipts from diamond restaurants, five star hotels, or photos of far off places that you visited a lifetime ago? Maybe it just holds a good book and an emergency Heath bar. Either way, every once in awhile it’s nice to be able to go to that drawer, pull out all that crazy shit and remind yourself that you used to be a person and every night, if you’re not too tired, you can still be that person.
Do you have a secret drawer? What’s in it? I won’t tell anyone.