Measures of Success

It’s important to take stock of one’s achievements. Every so often, shame is replaced by pride when I think about what I’ve gotten away with accomplished. In a looksie back over the last year, do you mind if I share?

  1. Recapture my lost youth? Right after I adjust to the new trifocals.
  2. Lose weight? Well, this was interesting…last year I worked out with a trainer and gained weight. This year I canned the trainer, but joined Weight Watchers. I lost 8 pounds!!! And kept it off for…TWO WHOLE WEEKS! You guys are jealous. Admit it
  3. Declutter? HAHAHAHAHA! Unless you count the bizarre episode wherein I became extremely frustrated at the number of things piled on top of each other in my refrigerator. Things literally fell out of the fridge whenever I opened the door. Naturally, I did what any normal person would have done. I got rid of extraneous cookbooks and organized the liquor. The fridge is still a mess, but I can get my hands on the citrus vodka more easily. That’s progress.

Finally, in the category of TMI, I would like to share something of which I am very proud. It concerns, well, activity in the bedroom. Something involving…um…the bed. Something that, over the course of 21 married years, I realized is as much (if not more) my responsibility than anyone else’s. Something that has improved and increased in its frequency and regularity. And that something is…(hushed tones): changing the sheets on the bed. Wow. That was hard to admit.

Yes, changing the sheets on everyone’s bed was something I avoided at all costs. A child could have a bloody nose all over his pillowcase, or be throwing up on his sheets, and I’d think, “Well, if I sop it up with the wet-vac and cover the rest with a towel, he can sleep on them for a few more weeks…” No longer!

I can say with boundless pride that I have for MONTHS now, changed the sheets on everyone’s bed every two weeks, whether they needed it or not! While, on “Sheet Changing Day” (catchy name!) the dirty sheets are normally deposited in a corner of my room for a week or more, on one of those sheet-changing days, I WASHED AND FOLDED the dirty sheets! Do you hear me, people? On the same day!!! They may have sat folded, in the laundry basket for 10 more days or so before I put them away in their respective closets, but still – one can’t help but be impressed by how I am continually working to improve myself, no?


Now, who wants an appletini?

About the Writer
Aliza Worthington has won the Nobel Peace Prize, a Pulitzer in Medicine and several gold medals in the recent London Olympics as the only woman on the men’s USA soccer team.  She submitted writing to Aiming Low in an attempt to show the people around her she is capable of mediocrity so they’re not so intimidated.  That’s just how she rolls.  Also, she blogs at

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  1. Jessi says:

    Oh, I hate-hate-hate changing sheets. I’m not sure why this is a fate worse than death, but I would rather clean just about anything in the world than change my sheets. I changed two of the three beds in the house yesterday and you’d think then collapsed exhausted and refused to wash dishes.

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    • Aliza says:

      WHY IS THAT??? Really, I can’t understand why it’s such a hated chore. Maybe because we see that somewhere in the future we’ll be needing to wash and FOLD the sheets? My second most hated chore?

      p.s. I hope you had an appletini after you changed the sheets.

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