How to Win Mother of the Year

There are many ways one can receive the Mother of the Year Award, and I’d like to share my most recent achievement.

The other day my 7-year-old son looked at me with that oh-so-familiar face that says, “I’m exploring something here that might make for an uncomfortable mother/son conversation.” Then he asked me how many bad s-words I thought there were. My husband and I have always had an honesty policy with him, which we almost always regret later. Like when he was three and began loudly talking about vaginas while in line at the Starbucks. Or like when I explained what my birth control pills were for and then realized a few days later he thought I was killing babies every time I took one.

And so figuring he was referring to the famous “SH” bad word, I decided to start there.  I told him how that was the main one and then I proceeded to give a little history on the word–a little back story, if you will. Somewhere into the third minute of my motherly monologue, he said, “Because I was thinking of two different words.”  Then he quietly whispered, “Stupid,” followed by, “…and the really main one has UP in it.”

I paused. “Oh.”  Then I casually added, while nodding a little too vigorously, “You mean ‘shut up’?”

Looking very guilty and naughty, he said, “Yes.”

I had momentarily forgotten that he’s still an innocent heartbreaker who thinks “stupid” and “shut up” are the bad s-words, which if you think about it, is actually true.

Well, now he knows all about “shit,” thanks to his ever-loving mother.


About the Writer

Jonny Schremmer is sometimes an actor, sometimes a writer, always a mom, wife and volunteer in New York City.  She and her husband Troy Schremmer’s play THE BALLAD OF RUSTY AND ROY was produced at the New York International Fringe Festival last summer. Their seven year old son joined them to star in Mike Akel’s indie film AN ORDINARY FAMILY, which debuted at the LA Film Festival and is now playing in small theaters here and there.  She joined 14 other writers and performers in the New York premiere of “Listen to Your Mother”. .Jonny began writing in earnest around the time she had a baby attached to her 24 hours a day, and you can read more about her adventures in motherhood at her Open Salon blog: http://open.salon.com/blog/jschremmer.

 

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Comments

  1. neal says:

    So, instead of telling that kid next to him to “—t-up,” he’ll probably tell him to stop “talking shit.” I’d like to be there for that.

  2. Megan says:

    Don’t feel bad. Two weeks ago I explained to my 13-year-old son what camel toe is.

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