How to Close on a House, Quick and Dirty

Multitasking while texting is a bad idea. Yes, we all know that you shouldn’t drive and text, but I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t text and do anything. Ever.

Motherhood has ruined my short term memory, and has taught me that sometimes you just need to stop, breathe, and give your full attention to what you’re doing. Like sending typed communication. I learned the hard way that the “send” function on my texts should be locked forever.

A few weeks ago, we sold our house and found a new one. Contracts were being emailed back and forth, offers were being rewritten via text and I really wanted the house we had the offer on. I really needed to get out of my in laws house.

Amid all the chaos, I had the brilliant idea that it would be flirty and cute to send my husband the following text:

“If you get me this house, I’ll owe you a blow job!”

Funny right? Funny because I know that is just the incentive he needs. But he didn’t respond. It was late. I was tired and decide to doze off to sleep. A moment of sheer horror later, I received the following text:

“I’ll try my best but I’ll still need a certified check at closing.”

The text message that I thought I had sent to my husband was instead sent to our 75-year-old realtor. I guess it could have been worse. I could have texted her one of those compromising photos I used to send to my husband when we were doing the commuter thing. Of course, that might have killed her, had she actually figured out what she was looking at.

Mortified doesn’t even come close to how I felt. I will never text again without checking the name of the recipient first, just as I no longer talk after I hang up the cell phone, unless I’ve double checked at least twice that it is actually hung up. That’s another lesson that I learned the hard way.

Bottom line, unless you planning on giving out blow jobs like lollipops to every Tom, Dick and Harry in your contact list, you might want to double check your text messages before hitting send. And truly, it hurt my ego a tiny bit that my realtor didn’t knock a percentage off her commission.

Photo Credit

Aiming Low is hosting the Non-Conference at Callaway Gardens, October 12-13, 2012. The conversation  will be hot and the drinks will be cold. Can’t wait to see you!
About Deborah Cruz

You can read loads more from Deborah (@TruthfulMommy) at her blog The TRUTH about Motherhood and as a contributing writer at Smart Mom Style and the Stir.

Deborah spends her days drinking coffee in suburbia, shuttling little ones and planning social media world domination and occasionally, she sleeps.

She's at Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest too!

Being brutally honest and irreverent all over the internet since 2009.


  1. I just literally snorted. That is awesome. At least your Realtor was a woman! I know some male agents who might have taken you up on that.

  2. Maggie S. says:

    And you closed on the house?

    I want to sell the house we’re in so bad; I’m trying to figure out who to text.

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