Breastfeeding For Bros

I was driving along the other day singing Carly Rae Jepsen at the top of my lungs when the damn DJ broke in with “breaking” news. I’ll admit that I had absolutely no desire to hear what he had to say, as he had just cut me off mid “Call Me Maybe”–bastard. Then I heard the most foreign string of words that I have ever heard in my entire life… a breastfeeding man. Shut the front door? Is there anything that science can’t do these days?

WTF? My mind immediately went to some sort of freaky guy with a mammary fetish who likes to be dressed in a diaper and suckle at his partner’s teat. Ewww, I know. I don’t go in for that furry shit either. I like my sex straight with a lot of kink but leave the fur and diapers out of it, please and thank you. But I had it all wrong.

Have you ever heard of a man breastfeeding? Other than that one he/she gentleman who gave birth? Technically speaking, he had woman parts so he doesn’t really count. I am talking about a man born male, with a penis and facial hair. Have you ever heard of a dad breastfeeding? Yes, pick your jaw up off the floor and listen up.

Men can breastfeed. It’s true. Sure, their nipples are hairy and the poor baby might cough up a furball. Sure, no one really knows what the hell quality of milk is coming out of those moobs (a.k.a. man boobs). Come on, we all know a guy who may be just a little more well endowed than we are. I’m not naming names, but you know who you are. I’m assuming it tastes like beer, Buffalo wings and jerky. It probably causes colic. But in a pinch, it might be better than a binky. OK, maybe better than a hair-covered binky. Maybe not.

Sure, it would be awesome if on the 72nd hour without sleep, we could hand off our newborn to daddy, like a baby-feeding relay. But would we want to? I don’t think I’ve ever been tired enough to subject my sweet babies to Guinness and summer sausage flavored man tits. It just seems like DCFS would have to be called on me, by me.

I had a really hard time breastfeeding and I tried everything in the book to stimulate milk production but I never considered that my husband could have breastfed the babies. With a little medical intervention, electric breast pumping and a crying baby to stimulate production, even the manliest of men can nurse their young.

What do you think of Daddies breastfeeding?

Photo Credit

Aiming Low is hosting the Non-Conference at Callaway Gardens, October 12-13, 2012. The conversation will be hot and the drinks will be cold. Can’t wait to see you!
About Deborah Cruz

You can read loads more from Deborah (@TruthfulMommy) at her blog The TRUTH about Motherhood and as a contributing writer at Smart Mom Style and the Stir.

Deborah spends her days drinking coffee in suburbia, shuttling little ones and planning social media world domination and occasionally, she sleeps.

She's at Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest too!

Being brutally honest and irreverent all over the internet since 2009.

Comments

  1. Michele says:

    I unfortunately was eating when I read this. The image of fat, hairy, man tits made me not want to finish my apple cinnamon chex. Thanks for that!

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  2. Blazer says:

    I am sorry, but while I usually enjoy your submissions this one I found offensive. “Other than that one he/she gentleman who gave birth? Technically speaking, he had woman parts so he doesn’t really count.” Transgender men and women are constantly a target of violence in our society and referring to some one as “he/she” or as someone who “doesn’t really count” just perpetuates the attitude that they are fair game.

    • @Blazer,
      I apologize if I was offensive. That was not my intention and I certainly was not trying to discount the transgendered people of the world. My intention was not to poke fun at transgendered men/women, I was only trying to say that I was not talking about men who were born with female anatomy because then they actually do have the female capability to have children and produce milk. I truly am sorry if I offended.

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      • Blazer says:

        I never thought you meant to be offensive. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that words can be very powerful and that we need to use care in how we use them. Thanks to being open to the reminder.

  3. Sheeps Eating Me says:

    I’m seconding Blazer on this one. I know this wasn’t your intention, and I get where you were going with this, but please say what you mean in a way that doesn’t discount a person’s identify – particularly one that is already under fire.

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  4. Hey, as long as they cover up in public, I’m cool with it.

    (Look at me getting all controversial! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It was too easy.)

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