Back-to-School Photo Wars!

Last week I sent my nine-year-old off to fourth grade. Holy shit, folks! My kid is a dinosaur in blogging years.

Beyond the fact that I have succeeded in not smothering her to death or leaving her somewhere or putting her up for auction on KidBay (shhh, only we know it’s not real), I can’t believe how fast she has grown.

Which is, of course, a cliche, but I don’t really care.

I’ve been snapping pictures of her First School Day for–let’s count ‘em–six years. It was her first day of pre-school where I cried big, ugly Oprah tears and spent an embarrassing amount of time picking out her outfit of pink-striped tights, a collared puff sleeve shirt and a matching tweedish skirt.

You’ll have to believe me that it was precious. I am far too lazy to hunt around for the digital image I know is somewhere close.

I should add that my second favorite First Day photo moment was Kindergarten. She hated her uniform and I loved her tears. Loved them so much I took this classic picture of her despair over unshapely uniforms.

Who doesn’t love a kick to the spirit every now and again? This is a marketing moment if I’ve ever seen one.

Fast forward a few years and last week I took the photo I normally take: a quick snap right before we walked out the door.

Then I was upstaged by EVERY OTHER PARENT on Facebook. With all of their creative banners and even–can you believe it–a chalkboard picture frame announcing the day, the time, the milisecond of this First Day.

What the fuck, Interwebz?

There is no way I can get around being “creative” about picture taking. Sure, I can look like I baked all those pies and cookies and whatever sweets we’re not allowed to bring into the classroom because of the Hell Hath No Sugar Army, but the Pinterfication (I made it up) of First Day photos can suck it.

I may or may not have a memory, but I know that I can PRETEND to remember when I took a picture and what year it was. I don’t need billboards announcing the longitude and latitude of first, second, whatever grade jitters.

And, while I’m at it, who has an operational printer these days?

It’s a double burn.

Isn’t it enough that I woke up on time and sharpened all 8,500 #2 Ticonderoga pencils?

Gold leaf frames and curly scripts?

I really want my kid to live up to that t-shirt and eat mine.

(Those two lovely boys up there are courtesy of Stephanie at A Bell Reve. I love her and she is a good sport. I’m just jelly, girl.)

Aiming Low is hosting the Non-Conference at Callaway Gardens, October 12-13, 2012. The conversation will be hot and the drinks will be cold. Can’t wait to see you!
About Liz Henry

Liz Henry is the hellraiser behind, The Six Year Itch. She's a big deal over on Twitter because she shaves her chin. And by big deal she means she has a shirt that says "I'm kind of a big deal." Liz is from illadelph, which is Philadelphia but spelled stupid. She was just voted a BlogHer Voice of the Year. Who let that happen?!


  1. Lib says:

    Have I ever, ever mentioned how much I love reading what you write? I hope hearing that ish never gets old because I may be back here saying it again. My 15 year old started in school suspension today for having her cellphone in class (3rd violation) and my 9 year old has strep. Feeling very single mom overwhelmed.

    And then I read this. And laughed. Thank you!

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    • Liz Henry says:

      Thanks, Lib! I love compliments! Do you? Because, my, aren’t you looking fabulous today!

      In school suspension for a cell? That’s a bit harsh and ISS is, truly, a punishment. We used to have to sit in this tiny room, in a desk that mirrored a cubicle with high walls built into the desk all day. It very much mirrored having a nine-to-fiver. There is a blog post here. I could be a hit with the teens.

  2. Marj Hatzell says:

    Those upstagers and their crafty etsy pinterest inspired pics make me wanna *hork*

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  3. And this is why I haven’t posted the pictures from my daughter’s first day of school yet. It’s all this fucking Martha Stewart I’m the Best Mom Ever shit when I’m lucky her chonies are clean.

    Have you seen the viral videos of moms celebrating as the kids leave for their first day? It’s creepy.

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    • Liz Henry says:

      I did see one picture and I did laugh and then think: what the hell, why didn’t I think of that? What would have also been funny? Getting on the bus WITH the kids and personally giving all those bright, shiny faces the middle finger. You know, get RIGHT to the point.

  4. smashbravo says:

    I did post pics of my little one of to Kindergarten. But I didn’t know anything about the chalkboards and signs till way later. That’s fine…let them be oh-so-perfect. I enjoyed and cried over my little ones first time in school and don’t care if we didn’t write on a chalkboard to prove coolness or whatever.

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  5. MamaKaren says:

    You’re way ahead of me- I haven’t managed to get my excrement together enough to take first day photos in years. I consider myself a success if all three kids get out the door fully dressed and have both eaten breakfast and taken their medication. If I make it to the office at something resembling “on time,” it’s an added bonus.

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  1. [...] It happened when I was in kindergarten. [...]

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