So last year I had a post scheduled on the 4th of July. I took time and effort to compile a list of movies about sexy presidents and fellatio-loving puppets, and no one read it because they were too busy seeing how many hot dogs they could fit in their face in 10 minutes.
So this year I decided, why not use the Internet wasteland that is Independence Day (apart, obviously, from Google searches like “how do I put out a grill fire” and “what are the words to the national anthem”) to put something out there that no one wants to see anyway?
I figured it would be like, if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Only mine is, if I make a YouTube video of me getting drunk and reading my old diaries while wearing my new J. Crew bathing suit, will anyone waste their time watching it?
So you see, July 4th, I win either way. Either no one sees this, and I leave with my dignity in tact, or lots of people do, and I can justify the $82 I spent on the bathing suit. Because this basically makes me a model. Right?