I am sophomoric to the degree that I find potty humor shamelessly amusing. However, I am also somewhat bipolar when it comes to what I find funny or just plain gross. Concerning farts, I vacillate between the extreme opposites of a pimply 13-year old boy and a lace-gloved, prissy prude.
- Crop dust a stranger in the grocery aisle with a Silent but Deadly? Funny.
- Intentionally let one rip at the dinner table, lifting up one thigh to give it room to breathe? Disgusting (and you will receive a heavy side eye and maybe even be banished from the table).
- Use ridiculous slang terms for farting? Funny.
- Use farting as retaliation in a game of teasing? Disgusting.
Perform farting experiments in the name of science? Ohhellyesplease. Several years ago, my best friend Becky and her family experimented with the lingering scent value of farts. They questioned whether it was possible to A) “trap” a fart in a jar and B) identify the aromatic contents of said trapped fart.
Her husband Rob ate plenty of garlic on his spaghetti one night and found himself particularly gassy. After he busted several grumpies, Bec had the brilliant idea to get a mason jar, hold it to Rob’s rear, and catch his fart. After he did the deed, she quickly capped the jar with the airtight lid.
A week or two llater when Becky’s stepson came for his weekend visit, they had Zach–who was around 9 or 10 at the time–open the jar and take a big whiff. When he did, he crunched up his nose and said, “OH, GROSS! It smells like… like… like a GARLICKY FART!,” and Becky and Rob lost it. Hypothesis–validated.
So–farts are funny. BUT! I will not, CANNOT fart in the presence of anyone, not even my husband, Frank (well, not consciously, anyway. He swears that sometimes I sleep-fart. The man lies, I tell you). I have let the man swipe a booger on the sly if we are out in public and I keep missing it myself, and he’s tended to pregnancy-induced hemorrhoids on more than one occasion. (You are welcome for that visual.) But fart? I wither from embarrassment if I even imagine it. I once polled my readers’ attitudes about farting, and 25% of them said that I was stupid for not farting in front of Frank. I tend to agree with them, but that does not motivate me to unclench my butt cheeks.
Your turn; what is your stance on farting? Attack this one from any angle. How do you feel about farting in the presence of your significant other? Public farting? Is it funny or not funny? Do you have any good euphemisms for farting?