I promised this time that when he went away, I wouldn’t paint any walls. This time.
It turns out that when my husband goes away on business, I get a little stressed out. See, when I handle that stress, I get a wee bit impulsive.
And when I get impulsive to handle that stress, I can’t sleep. And when I can’t sleep? I get busy. Too busy, some would say. And into a little mischief.
What kind of mischief? I’m so glad you asked! You didn’t? WELL. Then. This is embarrassing. How about if I tell you anyways, mmkay? Just to be nice and stuff:
- I paint walls. Like my powder room three times. The first two colors were hideous. The last one? I’m still planning on painting over it, but I PROMISED this time. Besides, I haven’t found the right color. I will find it….
- Buy furniture. To be fair, I was 9 months pregnant and the mattress was on the floor. It was a bed, yo.
- Get a new pet. A cockatiel. WHAT? SHE WAS FREE! And she loved Tom Petty! SCORE!
- Design and implement garden beds. Where there previously was grass. His grass. His precious, precious grass.
- Rearrange the furniture. In every single room. EVERY. ROOM.
- Do weird things to myself. Like dye my hair multiple colors. Paint my toe nails. Several times. And shave my eyebrows. And feet. And pierce my ears….
- I can’t sleep. So I stay up watching stuff. Like the same version of Pride and Prejudice (the good one with Colin Firth, the only acceptable one, in my humble opinion. YUMMY). Over. And over. And over. And again and again.
- I order out. A lot. My kids don’t mind.
- I bake. And I don’t, you know, bake. Except for when he’s away. And it’s usually burnt. Which is why I don’t bake.
- Compulsively clean things. He’ll come home to a few gutted closets and a mountain of stuff for Goodwill. Which he likes. The cleaning part, that is. You know, unless it’s his closet.
- (Because I always go to eleven) I let my kids and dogs sleep with me. On the king-sized bed. That typically doesn’t fly when he’s home. Shhhhh…don’t tell.
Got any suggestions? I’m all ears. Or am I in enough trouble already?