When Things Disappear in My House

Where things go to die.

Things have a way of completely disappearing in my house. One minute we have ten keys, the next minute they all disappear like they’ve been “beamed up” or something (had to get the Trek reference in, for I am a geek). No matter the object, no matter how small, things come to my house to disappear and die.

We probably had eight clickers (remote controls, for those of you not good at math) at one time, but I’ll be darned if I can find them all. I am certain that at one time we owned a few sets of flatware to accommodate family gatherings. Now we buy seconds at an outlet because, dang nabbit, our set is out of production and with kids we’re just happy to have forks and spoons that haven’t yet become sandbox digging utensils or ended up mangled in the garbage disposal.

The thing that boggles my mind the most is that we have a junk drawer. You know, the drawer for “everything but the kitchen sink” category? We tend to collect things in our house. For when we find random objects and something tells us we shouldn’t just chuck them  in case one of those bits is part of Swedish put-together-yourself furniture. Ahem. And then it falls apart because SOMEONE may or may not have thrown it out. Not naming names. (TOTALLY ME.)

At one time, at a previous residence, we had five junk drawers. Turns out I was just really shitty at organizing and I finally dumped everything out on the table one day, reorganized it and found stuff we hadn’t seen FOR YEARS. Thing I also found?

Twist ties.

What’s the big deal about twist ties?  Well, glad you asked. You didn’t ask? My bad. Since I’m awesome I’m going to enlighten you anyway!

The big deal about twist ties is that when you dump out five drawers worth of crap and reorganize them, you find that SOMEONE in your house has been taking EVERY SINGLE TWIST TIE off of EVERY LOAF OF BREAD and stuffing them in the drawer. For about eight years of owning the home. The kids weren’t born yet and even though my Border Collie was HELLA SMART, I’m pretty certain she hadn’t learned to open a loaf of bread. Especially when she was known to, you know, chew through the bag and eat it. Because that’s easier and she’s smart.

I’m blaming the guy I live with.

Because in those five drawers, I found… wait for it… over 180 twist ties. That’s right, I stopped counting once I reached 179 because I was doing that half-laugh-half-cry thing, digging through the pile, finding yet ANOTHER twist tie.

Now I have nightmares about them. Thanks a lot, dear.

About Marj Hatzell

Marj Hatzell climbed Mount Everest, explored the Amazon and swam across the English Channel. Not really, but she's the mother of two kids with special needs so SAME THING. She prefers dogs over people, which means she has STELLAR social skills. Marj isn't a writer but she plays one on tv. Marj also goes to eleven. You can find her at her non-paying day job, the wildly unsuccessful blog The Domestic Goddess, on Twitter, and on Facebook. She also has a not-so-new and definitely-not-successful-and-ignored blog at The Crazy Dog Lady and Facebook page no one visits.


  1. IzzyMom says:

    Can I tell you how many times I wished I had a twist tie? (because where the HELL do you get them now that nobody uses those alligator baggies?)

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  2. Barnmaven says:

    I think I have the empty plastic bread bags to go with every single one of those twist ties stuffed into the third drawer down to the left of the sink.

  3. Gina says:

    Glad to hear someone has more than one junk drawer. Someone in our house saves rubberbands and we never use them.

    • the Domestic Goddess says:

      When I cleaned out my parents kitchen in August we found HUNDREDS of pens, matches and rubber bands shoved in a drawer. My parents were all WE MIGHT NEED THEM and. Was all YOU WON’T BE ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO NEED THIS MANY. Seriously should have taken a picture. My parents have perfected the art of the junk drawer,

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  4. TechyDad says:

    We’ve had things disappear also. The worst was when 2 watches that my father gave me went missing when I cleaned the house up. I have this sinking feeling that they were tossed out because they were in plastic bags. These were hundred dollar watches and my father keeps asking when I’m going to get them sized and wear them. Meanwhile, I’ve all but torn the house apart and can’t find them.

    I can only come to one conclusion: We should avoid cleaning the house at all costs!

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    • the Domestic Goddess says:

      Ummm…maybe they are in the same place as my engagement ring and anniversary tennis barecelt. No, really. Same deal happened to me.

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  5. Ted says:

    Listen one never knows when one will need a wire coated in paper to secure an object or fish an object out of a smaller then my fingers location. I applaud your collector of twist ties and completely agree with his desire to have an adequate supply.

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